Why men look at porn
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This article was originally a series of forum posts under the article, “What every woman should know about internet porn” by Average Joe. We at The Bathroom Door Rule asked Kevin to expand on his view in an article which he kindly agreed to do. Recently I found myself having a common argument with my girlfriend for the fourth or fifth time. I’ve talked with friends of mine and it turns out it’s a fairly common argument, the normal solution I have found is to deceive your loved one. Desiring an open and honest relationship I refuse to resort to deception so, we fight. The common fight we have, is about porn.
Now I know I won’t be the first guy to let the world know that men look at porn. Pornography happens to be one of the largest exports of America, and that’s not counting the several billion we spend on it each year. Somehow my girlfriend thinks I alone am keeping this billion dollar industry alive, even though I don’t have the cash to fix the air conditioning in my car. The truth is men look at porn, straight men look at porn, gay men look at porn, doctors, lawyers, teachers all look at porn. If you think your father doesn’t look at porn it’s because he’s had fifty years experience hiding it.
I’m sure some where out there is some guy who doesn’t look at porn and two things are true about him:
- He is the extreme exception to the rule.
- I’d never let him baby sit.
If you were to ask my girlfriend what our fight was about she’d say it was about what I looked at. The truth is it had nothing to do with WHAT I looked at, but WHY I looked at it. From conversations I’ve had with other men I suspect I’m not alone on this. My girlfriend is a beautiful slim blonde woman with a larger than normal chest. If she goes on my computer and sees crazy sex acts with a blonde woman with a larger than normal chest she doesn’t care, in fact she’s gotten a little frisky with me while I’ve been checking out such material on more than one occasion. If however the woman happens to be a red head or perhaps Asian, she explodes. This has nothing to do with what I’m looking at, but her own insecurities as to why.
Men look at porn because it’s a fantasy. The problem I’m facing is that my girlfriend seems to think she has the right to decide what kind of fantasies I’m allowed to have. If I look at vintage porn that’s OK but two girls at once aren’t. I can look at all the celebrity porn I want, but no Latina porn. Basically she’s fine with me looking at anyone who is a good representation of herself, or isn’t representational of anyone I could have sex with in real life. Unfortunately my brain doesn’t work that way, I’m sorry if I want to look at red heads more than Klingons, but that’s just the kind of guy I am.
My girlfriend was extremely upset one time because I was looking at porn of some trashy, worn out looking, slightly over weight women. She couldn’t understand why I would look at these women if I found her more attractive. The reason is simple, it’s a fantasy. With these women I can make scenarios in my head. They look like hookers and in real life I’d never go to a hooker. I’d be terrified of diseases, pimps, and jail. But in my little fantasy I can do anything. It’s exciting to think of doing something I know I couldn’t or wouldn’t do in real life. I’ve also fantasized about beating the hell out of the guy who stole my car stereo but that doesn’t mean I belong in jail for assault. “But that’s different, that’s all in your head. You don’t spend your free time watching videos of people beating each other up!” That reminds me, I need to return that Steven Segal movie on the coffee table.
A second point is that men need a certain degree of variety. That doesn’t mean we need to be with dozens of women or cheat on the women we’re with, but we need at least some variety, even if it’s in our own heads. I love my girlfriend very much, and when I get the occasional urge for some variety I find myself looking at porn of various ethnicities doing things that might be illegal in most states. If she thought about it I’m sure she’d rather I used the computer than closed my eyes and let my imagination provide variety. At least on the computer there’s not much chance I’ll see my secretary who wears the low cut shirts, or my girlfriend’s sister.
I understand where my girlfriend’s insecurity is coming from but in truth it’s unfounded. I’m happy with her and I am perfectly loyal. I think my girlfriend is one of the most beautiful women in the world and I’m not going to leave her for a red head, Latina, or midget. Men need to entertain a little fantasy every now and then and I think it’s best for men to do this through porn rather than real life. Would you rather your man looked at porn of nameless women he’ll never meet, or thought of the waitress at the place he regularly goes to lunch? There’s nothing wrong with an innocent fantasy, and chances are that nameless face on the screen will never leave her number at the bottom of a check.
Even if I had the Mona Lisa at home, I’d still want to go to art galleries.
Variety is the spice of life.
When I was younger and my relationship with with my husband was in it’s infancy I disliked him looking at porn. Now, however, after 20 years of marriage, I don’t mind it at all. I agree I would much rather him fantasize about a women he will never meet. A fantasy will feed his appetite, and as the old saying goes, “I don’t care where he gets his appetite, as long as he eats at home”.
You post was interesting for my female mind. It is such a mystery to most of us why men look at porn. I liked hearing what you had to say until you explained that porn is some way of “fantasing” something you’d like to do but wouldn’t do in real life. Not exactly words of comfort. Basically what I hear is you guys like to think about F***ing someone else which if you are in a relationship I think is a disgraceful thing to do to someone you “pledge you love to”. How can you think of sex with someone else. I, as a woman, do not, nor do I want to think of having sex with someone else. It is not my interest when I am with someone important to me and I feel it is a disrespectful thing to do to your partner. So explain this to me. Why do men need to think of sex with another woman? Why can’t they just be satisified? It seems they always want their cake and to eat it to.
Sara, the point is this - all us guys realize that some fantasies should become reality (such as devising ways in which we can make a deal happen at work or how we should ask for a pay raise) and some fantasies should remain fantasies (like shtupping the big-busted redhead or the petite Asian gal).
But your post hardly gives us the credit for being able to tell the difference. No, we’re not gonna go out and do these things for real, because in real life, there are consequences to having crazy anonymous sex with people to whom you’re not committed. We love our wives/girlfriends, and would not trade them for the world.
This is not about “disrespecting” someone. This is about what makes us men and women (and yes, women fantasize too, which is why Harlequin makes such a mint), and not rabbits or cats. We’re not thinking about sex with someone else, we’re imagining it. There is a distinct difference. In our minds, we are allowing ourselves, for a brief time, to say “what if.”
And one of the neat things about being able to fantasize like this, is we can take pieces of our fantasies and apply them to the women we love. If you were to take away our ability to fantasize, you would take away our ability to fantasize about our own women. And believe me, you do NOT want that.
THE PROCEEDING MESSAGE APPLIES TO MEN AND WOMEN ALIKE, BUT MOSTLY IN RESPONSE TO THE TOPIC, “WHY MEN LOOK AT PORN” AND “WHAT WOMEN SHOULD KNOW ABOUT PORN ON THE INTERNET”
Just a few emoticons to WTF!?!?!?!
All of the men that believe they only ‘view’ porn, of any degree, as an ‘innocent’ pastime, are as full of crap as a sack of manure.
After 30+ years (most spent sexually dealing with men/boys/etc.) of experience, (I am 40-yes, an early starter with a boy the same age) there would be a fed-ex box arriving at each of you’re domiciles with a huge wad of tossed cookies, IF I bought into that and know what I know.
Bottom line : MEN ARE VISUALLY STIMULATED, JUST AS MUCH AS MANUALLY: I DON’T BUY THE ‘it’s only fodder for fantasy’ LINE; NEITHER SHOULD ANYONE ELSE. (No, the BIG LETTERS are not for accentuation, only to keep the points seperate-for those to feeble minded/jaded by the chat programs on the internet).
1) Having married a man, who immigrated from the U.K. and LIVED on the internet (where we met, in 2000 and STILL together), I know just how anyone can ‘convince ‘ themselves that “It’s just the internet, it’s not real!”.
He and I have already gone through the ground breaking, knee jerking, ‘OMG-WTF is that on your hard drive’, because:
a) I’m female,
b) I was the one that lead him into submission/BDSM,
c) I’m female,
d) My reputation, ON and OFF the internet is one of demure but nasty to include EVERYTHING in between,
e) I’m female,
f) Disclosure from the start, HE is well aware that I have the sex-drive of a mack-truck, (yes, even at 40-it’s only getting better!)
g) I’m female,
h) He’s a REAL man and admits that there are perversions that do ‘get his rocks hard just looking/watching’, but there is no comparision to the ‘REAL, LIVE, WENDY DOLL’,
i) I’m female,
j) Visual and Mental stimulation is what ‘excites us’ as a mamal, on most all levels. Just try to sit and watch ANYONE that even slightly appeals to your senses, as they disrobe or dress, allow your mind to wander and HEAR the call of the wild rattle through your brain; before you know it, MENTALLY your body has taken over and BOOM! You’re getting excited, SEXUALLY!
h) oh, and did I mention, I AM A FEMALE and I love it! So does my husband AND every person I’ve ever come in contact with, that has had ANY experience with me.
Played up the “I’m female” bit, to make a minute point; studies have proven that 20% of the male population AND 20% of the female population MENTALLY thinks like the opposite sex; ie. analytical and logical thought processes happen, for some people, on BOTH end of the spectrum. NOT JUST MEN ARE PRIVY TO MENTAL STIMULATION.
It is a hard fact, GENTLEMEN, that PICTURES and VOICES and PERVERTED ACTS drive men to a certain distraction, if not to a train wreck of hormonal overflow.
I’ve had to many ‘in real life’ and ‘on the internet’ experiences to know, “NOT EVERYONE IS REQUESTING MY PERSONAL PICTURES/X-RATED, JUST TO STORE IN/ON THEIR COMPUTERS AS FODDER”. I’ve been the 260 pound petite female and back to my original size of 175 pound, big breasts, ample curvage, sultry eyes, flowing hair and CHARISMA.
O.k.. So I am a naturally ’sexually’ charged creature; so be it. STOP TRYING TO CONVINCE THE PUBLIC THAT MEN ARE NOT, TO ANY DEGREE, EXCITED BY INTERNET PORN/PERVERSIONS OF A SEXUAL NATURE/VARIETY OF ‘ANOTHER PERSON(S)’. Stop trying to pass this ‘myth’ and lie onto the general public.
I’ll grant that there are a large percent of people, not just women, that dislike or don’t understand the desire for the ’significant other’ to fantasize with or with out some sort of ‘aide’, whether it be Penthouse Forum Letters, Lush layouts in Playboy or Hustler OR calling a 900# just to hear a voice on the other end ’say what you want them to say’ so you can ‘fantasize’ that you really are being ’stimulated’ the way YOU want to be.
Sure, there is the ‘knee-jerking, OMG! Is that REALLY what I am looking at?!?!?!?!, comparitive to printed pornagraphy, INTERNET PORN IS NO DIFFERENT! You look at it, SEARCH FOR IT, dig it up because:
1) you can,
2) it’s there,
3) most of it is FREE (monetarily),
4) the element of ‘can I get away with it’ applies,
5) and for (most of us); IT TURNS US ON!
PLEASE KEEP IT REAL WHEN YOU ARE DISCUSSING ANYTHING THAT MAY HAVE RELEVENCE TO RELATIONSHIPS, BECAUSE THERE ARE THE OCCASSIONAL (actually, majority of) READERS THAT ‘TAKE THIS INFORMATION AND PART IT OUT TO OTHERS LIKE GOSPEL’.
The previous ‘lines’ and b.s. are just the things that kept my husband ‘bound’ to the ‘fantasy’ world, had I not broke into it and suggested he actually TRY the ‘Wendy Doll’ instead of keeping her on the shelf; We now have a much more, satisfying sexual relationship, and are still learning to communicate on other levels and ‘be good to one another’.
After all, in this life, (as my old man said) “We just have to find someone that can put up with us, and us with them, and that’s about all you can ask for out of this life”. Of course I am in love with my husband, and he is in love with me, but we are both in love for a myriad of reasons, some as different as night and day from the other’s reasons; understand that ‘IF YOU DON’T OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND LET THAT/THOSE THOUGHTS OUT OF YOUR HEAD, THAT PERTAIN TO ANYTHING RELATIONSHIP WISE, YOU’RE ONLY HURTING YOURSELF’.
There is insurmountable truth to “the only STUPID question is the one NOT ASKED!”
****the previous message has been posted as a good will gesture and applies to all sexes****
Um…
What?
WIFEY wrote:
Bottom line : MEN ARE VISUALLY STIMULATED, JUST AS MUCH AS MANUALLY: I DON’T BUY THE ‘it’s only fodder for fantasy’ LINE; NEITHER SHOULD ANYONE ELSE.
Simply put, it’s bullsh*t to say there is ‘nothing to why anyone looks at porn’. There IS something, and that is being modest. ADMISSION IS THE FIRST STEP TO *FREEDOM*.
Don’t be in denial, as living in denial keeps one from enjoying the simple pleasures in life.
Ladies, ladies, ladies…
all you gotta do is begin masturbating and start making fantasies of your own and you’ll understand your boys…
Are you still confused?
If YES—>Go To #2
if NO—->Go To #3
#2 being, START ALL OVER AGAIN, from the beginning. THat means, sit down, part you legs, get a firm hold of each ball and PULL really hard so that you KNOW what and where those balls are and WHAT they feel like.
#3 being, SMILE! You just MANNED UP, and graduated the ….
YOU, my dear sir, would never last 5 seconds in MY presence. I’m what YOU and others would call a “MAN EATER”. And, I likes ‘em a bit on the ‘rare’ side. *wink*
Guys are different from women, and it so annoying to me as a future psychologist that women REFUSE to understand that. I dont think of me having sex with the man on the screen, I think of having sex with my boyfriend, and theres just a visual reminder. My boyfriend on the other hand probably does think about having sex with the woman he is viewing… because men work diffrently than women. Just as men can not physically express feelings like women do (which is ANOTHER thing women need to understand) men dont view the world the way that women do. Your boyfriend may feel sick to his stomach thinking about the fact that you would NEVER, not in your wildest dreams EVER think of another man. Personally, I find that a little stalkerish. “Honey, I love you so much that I have never thought about another man twice. You are so perfect to me that I never, ever again, need any other man to make my life better.”
Men dont even really view sex as an intimate thing, not the same way as women do. Someone please try to argue with me on this because I will give you detailed reasons why this is in fact true. Men dont say “I love having sex with my partner because I feel so close to them. Its all about being with the only one I love.” Women say that. Men enjoy having sex with one woman very much, but that doesnt mean that they feel the same emotions as women do. If your boyfriend or husband doesnt feel those squishy feelings in real life, what will make him feel those squishy feeligns to a bunch of pixels on a screen.
To all the women out there: YOUR MAN IS NOT THE SAME AS YOU! Science has PROVEN for a FACT that the two sexes brain chemistry are different. They work in slightly different ways. Unless you can FULLY understand a man’s mind (which you cant, just as they cant fully understand your mind) you have no right to accuse them of doing something sick because you wouldnt do it. If your boyfriend cant get it up without porn, if he is watching porn more hours of the day than he sleps, or if he can not stop watching porn or something else extreme, then it is a problem. If he watches it every once in a while (which once in a while changes from man to man) it is NOT a problem, it is pretty normal.
I think all of this is a bunch of bull! It doesn’t matter what you look like, busty, thin, curvy, big rear end… guys are gonna either look at porn or cheat! Some will do both… you can have it all looks, smarts, wealth, etc., but men ALWAYS want MORE or what they can’t/shouldn’t have!
deep down under the fake mask they have up all the time for their partners… men are like dogs end of discussion!! It will be that way until the end of time and no woman can change it! Sucks huh?!!!
Men will cheat, or they won’t cheat. Porn has nothing to do with it. Wanting to look at other people engaged in the sex act doesn’t make one bit of difference on whether he can keep his commitment or not.
I came to this site trying to figure out how my husband and I can disagree so strongly about looking and/or hiding that he looks at porn.
I have always know he has looked at it, but he really downplayed the whole thing, now I am finding out it’s easily once or twice a week. I can tell from reading other comments that that doesn’t sound like much, but I feel so upset everytime I find out he looks so it seems like a lot to me.
I hate that he looks at porn because 1)he hides it from me so I wonder what else he is hiding besides just looking a clips on the internet 2)I feel like I can’t compare to the women he fantasizes about (I am a mother of a one year old and work full time for our company) 3)It proves I can’t make him happy myself even though I try so hard
All men look at porn. The question is when does porn become an addiction? If I look at porn everyday, does that indicate a problem? You have to figure the average guy masterbates everyday, and usually to porn… So the average guy looks at porn everyday.
The problem is when porn REPLACES other relationships… This is the real problem with porn.
Yes, right all men look at porn. Then they are all fxxxxg pigs. If a guy is in a relationship, what the fxxK? I don’t care what kind of excuses any of you come up with. It’s wrong unless you look at porn with your mate. It’s called honesty axxxxxle!
i am a women whose husband looks and jacksoff on it what bothers me is that i love to have sex up to 3x a day to me its bullshit he jacksoff and i am in the dry what is wrong with men these day oh are you achtistian or muslim or even buddhist let me tell you its against your RELIGON i try talking to him with no sense so you men porn hurts your relashionship and can even wreck it for good get rid of porn and love your girlfriend wife or whatever soon to be exwife
im mother of 1 years old son. i found out he is masterbating without my notice again even though he swore not to watch it again. he says porn is bad when we argue about it, but it seems like he is never able to quit it.
i read all the comment here. brains are different from us. men need fantasy. but it really gross me out.
how can i get over it and feel better?
It’s one thing to look at porn once in a while, thats totally understandable, christ ladies remove internet porn and add 5 speed shower head and you will see we are both very much the same. What I believe bothers most woman in long term relationships is when their partner replaces their intimacy with online fantasies. I currently live with someone who prefers masturbation to sex. He often waits till I leave the house or worse, till I’m sleeping and then indulges in his online fantasies (almost daily). Because of this our sex life suffers and it causes a riff in our relationship. I love sex and intimacy and at the same time respect a persons need for “alone time”. I think as long as there is a happy medium, porn is ok, but because of it’s availability (internet) too many guys are abusing it and too many woman are starting to feel degraded by it.
Porn is fine - if the person “perusing” is open about it to his partner. If your husband lies about it (as mine does) but then denies it… then it is deceitful and breaks the very trust that relationships are supposed to be built on. There is nothing worse than a man that acts “innocent” but is looking at other people’s vaginas. In my mind - he is the pussy - pardon the expression. If you are going to be the typical “man” that men supposedly are - then just fess up to your activities and be the man that EVERYONE says you are. Period.
> If you are going to be the typical “man” that men supposedly are - then just fess up to your activities and be the man that EVERYONE says you are.
There is nothing to confess to. Being in an adult relationship does not mean total disclosure. I put it to you that by insisting your other half tell you everything you are attempting to control them - which surely can’t be healthy?
Most of the women commenting here are fucking retarded. Even after a female studying psychology comes in to tell them they are wrong they still argue. I’d divorce any one of your ignorant asses in 2 seconds.
I have been with my man for 12 years. It started with porn magazines and now it has lead to web cam. No I refuse to get a web cam due to my husbands sick mind. It has also lead to him locking my children out of the house, putting them to bed early so he can “endulge in his fantasy.” What ever. I will be fileing for a divorce this week. Woman we deserve a 100% of our man not 20%. How can he give that to us when hes giving it to women over the internet. My husband says its a guy thing!! What ever, a sick pervert I call it. Men do you really think you wife/girlfriend wants to make love with someone who is emotionally having affairs with other womens. Look in 12 years where my life has come. Whats next a real woman. Its like a drug you start with marijuana and end up on meth. Screw the fantasy that is just an excuse for men to find it exceptable to do what they are doing…
Clearly, with this much disagreement, we can’t all be looking at the same situation. Viewing porn is not good or bad in the absence of context.
I would dare say that viewing porn as a substitute for participating in a fulfilling relationship would never work; both sides would be disappointed. One side would be busy trying to coerce the other against their will into doing something that they believe constitutes a fantasy, but in reality replaces a real live person with emotions and desires into an actor, participating in a show of sorts for the other. Whether or not the “actor” enjoys this or not depends entirely on what they were seeking from the relationship in the first place.
On the other hand, viewing porn in the context of creating new situations and fantasies for use in your own bedroom might not be such a bad thing, I would say.
To each his/her own.
I’ve been searching online this morning to try to understand my husbands addiction to porn. I’m distraught over this. He looks at it aleast once daily and at totally inappropriate times. He’s even been so bold as to look at it on my laptop with me sitting 2 feet away. It hurts me beyond words and makes me feel that I’m not enough for him. That I’m not pretty enough or don’t satisfy him. I know I am an attractive woman (not being conceited) and I thought we had a great sex life. We are very open with each other, and I do anything he desires. What do I do?
hmmm…..where do I start…I lived 10 years of my life being an exotic danncer/stripper! My job was to make men horny and when this happend they lost all control and I have bought a beauitlful home,cars and just stuff off their pocket book. I modeled, I was nominated most talented and beautiful…and not in the trashy clubs….the high end clubs…I am very exotic and I knew how to work men. And honesty I can say I laugh at them. The reason why is men just think they have a right to look and fullfil their fantasies at all times just because they are men. They have no respect for how it makes the woman who loves them and takes care of them and their children. I am married now and this is how I showed my husband that his logic is a one way street. I popped open my PC and typed in Large Cock! My husband almost shit himself. Hmmmm what is the big deal I am just looking… pretending and getting off on a large fat cock ( that looks nothing like his willy) The look in his eyes and the comments to this day prove it is a one way street. And your right you can be the most beautiful women out there at the time and it wont matter. They always want what they can’t have and they have nothing better to do. In my spare time I anm getting my MBA,and I am a broker now….when we have sex I give him any fantasy he can think of…what ever he wants…and some things he never even new about…so why does he need to look at others??? Because men are shallow and they put themselves first always they think they have earned this. You women who do not want your man looking at porn do it back look at men who are his opposite that have bigger cocks let him know how much it turns you on then deny having sex with him….or insist you can look at your porn first so you can get ready…and watch his whole world crummble and then watch the names that come out his mouth to describe you. I have worked in an industry of men for years and they are not dogs…they just can’t stop thinking that they are priority and they have the right to do whatever it is they choose to do because they were born with a penis. It is actually funny. Men can not control themselves once the other head is thinking..if I could only tell you the stupid things I convinced men to do when they thought I wanted them sexually LOL. Then when they realized they had been played they run home to their faithful wives to feel better…Women stop feeling upset about your man and his porn do something about it teach him how it feels. That is the only way they figure it out. Women are beautiful intelligent and we are better then men we care about how someone we love feels and we are humble enough to stop whatever it is that hurts our partners. And we won’t miss it because our lovers always come first. And there is no porn out there that can make me explode like my lover can when we are so committed to each other and our sex becomes our own porn our fantasy together that is what sex and erruptions are about. But sadly men are so insecure about them selves as a man they turn the computer on and jack off to someone that does not have an opinon not a fantasy …..an opinon. Women I stopped stripping becasue I got so sick of knowing I was hurting other women…at first i figured if she was dumb enough to stay with him ….but in actuality all men are like this and it is not the womans fault. One day we will be released from our slavery to mans idiocy and ignorance!
My boyfriend and I have had what I think of as a good sex life.. Up until he started looking at porn, he does it when I’m not in the mood of on the rag.. and most guys would probably use the same shitty ass excuse he does.. “I need to get my nut off” B*LL F*CK*ING SH*T okay, first off how the hell do you think girls feel when they are horney and have their periods!?! For real, if we can go through it you can too. Secoundly you don’t tell your girlfriend that your going to jerk off, I mean how the F*CK am I supposed to feel, you need to be stimulated that badley that you’ll put our relationship and my feelings at jeordy?? sounds like you love me.. not!! It’s jealousy that some dirty porno bitch can steal your boyfriend away from you. I get so angry at him and the stupid porn. Then I start wondering what they have that makes them better then me, I get super insicure and depressed that he is doing this and I’m supposed to be okay with it. Now the worste thing of all is that when you really think about it a guy isn’t just watching a porno he’s fantasizing about being in it and having sex with some random chick he thinks is hot.. okay so I am a pretty sexual person but when I say I love you I mean it and I’d never even think of having sex with someone other then this person I love. When I tell him it hurts me which is normally after he just did it he apologizes and says he feels bad.. so tell me how the F*CK do you expect me to buy that when a day later your beating of to it again!? I mean I don’t know what he cares about more now porn or our relationship. Seriously guys out their who are in a happy relationship but still find porn tearing them away from their significant others need to learn some fucking self control.
It is the said cause of more then 50% of couples that fail with in the first year.
Many women see it as a sign that their spouse isn’t attracted to them,
they aren’t sexually satisfying their partner. They generally, and i think
naturally as women take it as, “you’re not good enough”. Rather it be emotionally, physically or sexually they feel inadequate as a partner.
Or they assume that their spouse is indefinitely a cheater. They ask…
- “If you are attracted to me and i turn you on then why do you have to look at porn?”
- “Am I not satisfying you in the bedroom?”
- “Do you think about them while your with me?”
- “Do you think that they are more attractive than me?”
- “Do you compare me to them?”
- “Are you disappointed that I don’t look like them?”
- “Do you watch them and then find yourself wishing that I would act like them during sex?”
For most men it’s not a matter of not being satisfied, disappointment, or comparison. Men are aroused mainly by visual stimulation. Meaning (heterosexual) men are naturally aroused by the naked female body, and lets be honest most heterosexual women are too. If men are seen as extremely sexual beings then why criticize them for being titillated by multiple kinds of
visual stimuli? If a man is happy with his spouse he is usually genuinely attracted to her. And when asked to define sexy generally the answer contained alot of their significant others characteristics not the girls online.
There are three main reasons that men and, yes even women, turn to pornography for satisfaction. One is to see their fantasies acted out, two is to avoid intimacy in a relationship, the third is simply to aid masturbation. Sometimes people look to fill a void in their sex life. For example they might be highly aroused by oral sex and their partner is strongly apposed to it. Wanting to stay in the relationship and still fill that sexual void they turn to porn. There are people that use porn as a way to satisfy sexual fantasies that they would rather not be revealed for reasons of embarrassment and fear of rejection from their partner. If they were to unveil their sexual interests it would be letting
that closely held secret go. Which would prohibit an unwanted amount of intimacy later ending in resentment, so they simply save that indulgence for private Internet sessions. Aside from the role that porn has in relationships people look at porn simply to arouse themselves either before or while masturbating or have intercourse. Remember masturbation is normal natural and healthy for a men and women, (remember many women masturbate to pornography too!) single and married.
Men are thought to be more easily aroused by erotic imagery than women are. While some men are unable to decipher fantasy and reality most men do so unintentionally. Many will say that it is healthy and some even say it’s needed that a man consume erotic material. It’s intense visual stimulation that has no limits or boundaries. Endless possibilities in his personal private fantasy world. And it is just that a fantasy a daydream, not an expression of preference in their real physical intimate lives. So you might be a women that daydreams about driving home in a fancy car to a big house with the picket fence to a perfect loving family. When in reality you have an average car and house with four kids that fight every second of everyday. Chances are that not even for 100 million dollars would you walk away from your family. The same as a happily married man isn’t gong to leave his wife for the porn star he just watched blow two different guys.
A mans’ brain is wired differently than a womans’. They are more sexual, point blank. Is it really so
degrading that a man is aroused by many types of women being that not one individual man was not
created with the ability to be attracted to only one women or even one specific type. They are more
sexual, point blank. If you have a Mona Lisa at home does that mean that you never again want to go to an art gallery?
Porn can be part of a healthy relationship, but in some circumstances it can hinder intimacy. It seems to me the underlining concern with porn in relationships revolves around the lack of communication, and trust within the relationship, not the porn itself. When it is viewed in secrecy in a relationship it wreaks havoc an all aspects of the relationship. Just the same the betrayal of any sexual act done with out the knowledge of one partner. It is also unhealthy for one partner to use pornographic content as a substitute for sex, however there are underlining circumstances that are an expect. For instance if one partner has a condition that is disabling preventing or making sex painful or discomforting. One partner using porn as their main source of arousement can also be damaging in a relationship.
So many aspects of this topic are just far too personal for most to have an open discussion about, even in their very own personal relations. I think the label “porn addiction” is used to put down a behavior that is taboo in society. Has the world become such realists that we find it astonishing that one finds enjoyment in fantasy? Have we, as a nation become so insecure that we shame our own human nudity and claim that they very sexual acts we were created to do are disgusting and degrading to women? Yes, every erotic women is undoubtedly someones daughter, but more importantly she is an individual who for what ever reasons made her own choices. And who is one to judge another?
It is a subject that is portrayed as black and white by society yet vibrant with color. In revealing ones true thoughts on the issue is in essence revealing the many personal, intimate, sexual desires that are openly deemed as immoral and perverse by society.
Men are all dogs, thats all I can say. I am married, and would much rather be single, and alone because I believe all men are not only porn watchers, but cheaters. Given the opportunity all men will cheat. Thats the way it is!
I am sorry when you sit there and fantasize about other women you are cheating. If you love your wife, gf, partner you would out of respect not look at the porn or any naked women on the interent. Plus sometimes this can lead to acting it out in real life. I have been through pure hell with my husband and his porn addiction. Now he is looking at all kinds of women and girls. I take care of him and run after him and wash his clothes, make his meals, put up with his shit and take care of my self so he won’t have to look at other women, but like most men he is a pig. I think that porn should be banned from the internet and that the internet should be censored as all boardcasting such as television is. Women who pose for these pictures are whores and the magazine companies and internet web sites should be shut down for exploitation of women.
I want to understaand what would drive my husband to look at porn…he has not looked at it since we have been married…yet the other day i was looking for something on his computer and accidently found it…he tried to make an excuse which pissed me off even more…and i felt very betrayed since the day before we had had a big fight and he told me i needed to have more self-control…the worst part od if was I WAS ASLEEP IN THE OTHER ROOM!!! this was why i was angry about it…if he was horny why not wake me up and f*uck me????!!! we do not have sex all that much and i have a high sex drive,..so why…would he want to look at it…he did not even jack offf??? so why why why??? it is not curiousity. so what could it be…?
I have been with my wife for over 3 years. the first 6 month or so of our sexual relationship I did not look at porn at all. Then the sex started dieing off.
It went from everyday or every other day to once every 2 weeks. Then i went back to looking at porn. She doesn’t want sex as often as I do so I could either:
A: ask her for sex all the time which would just make her mad and I would get it less than I already do
B: Look at some porn and take care of it myself.
On the other hand when I know we are going to have sex (it takes me a long time to achieve orgasm and sometimes this leaves her very sore) I view some porn as a primer. It gets everything going for when the happiness begins.
I have a very high sex drive if I do not have a release then I get blue balls in 3 to 4 days.
There is no one reason why people do something. Your husband looks at porn for one reason, and her husband looks at porn for another.
Why do men like sports. I personally can’t stand them but it appears to be something many people want to do.
For you women that say women never do such things, you need to readdress your view on the world. Just go to your local restaurant and sit by a group of women on their girls night out and listen to the running commentary on the waiter or that guy over their or this guy at work. They are far more graphic and disgusting than any man I know.
Lets just be honest all around. Point blank men care about porn. Men care about porn so much it is worth making the women in their lives who actually love and care for them hurt, feel distrustful towards them and unsafe within the relationship. Men care about porn so much that they don’t care about the effect it has on the real women in their lives. Otherwise they wouldn’t defend it so much like they do. So thanks men! THanks for teaching me and alot of other women that porn is great and women are crap to you. And that no matter what we do and no matter how hard we try to be intimate and vulnerable with you and try to make you happy because it makes us happy, at the end of the day you are still looking at some 20 year old with implants because that’s what you care about. THanks men! THanks for showing us women what men are about and that women shouldn’t expect to be important or loved by their men because hey, men got porn and that’s what today’s men care about.
I know many men look at porn, but isn’t there a difference between porn sites and escort sites? My boyfriend said he has been looking at the site for years and not to worry. We’ve been together almost a year and when I found out we weren’t having sex only 2 times a month for the last three months and before that it was everyday. We live together and I am 90% sure he isn’t cheating but if you asked me a few months ago if he was looking up escorts online I would of said no way. I since have tried to figure out why he looks up escorts and have looked up male escorts and female escorts online. It isn’t exciting or sexually stimulating for me at all. I can’t see myself masturbating to any of these images the only thought that came to my mind was loneliness.
I asked my boyfriend why he looks at porn and he told me it’s easier to jerk off and takes less time than to have sex. I don’t have sex on my period but that is only one or two days. He tells me he jerks off during those times also.
If men know that looking at porn hurts their wife or girlfriend and they do it anyway because they want “variety’, that sounds selfish and inconsiderate to me.
It is difficult to understand how the brain works…but definately, typically men and women approach things from different perspectives. I have decided I cannot rationalize something my boyfriend does from my point of view and to feel hurt over something like porn. It is hurtful for some of us and yes it bothers me…but at the end of the day I still have to be happy.