What every woman should know about internet porn
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As I’ve spent the last three nights sleeping on the couch I feel a need to try to help my fellow man by providing some useful information to the women of the world. The truth is nearly every man alive looks at porn, and with the internet making porn free, easily accessible, and anonymous, I’ve never even heard a rumor of a guy who doesn’t REGULARLY look at internet porn. If for some reason you don’t think your fella does, your relationship might not be as open and honest as you think.
One day you might find yourself jumping on your boyfriend or Husband’s computer to check your e-mail. As you’re typing in the URL you might see a long string pop up with curious words like, “filthy naked underage asian cheerleader sluts.” Maybe you “accidentally” click on this URL and suddenly you’re faced with naked midget grannies doing unspeakable things with vegetables. You might be horrified at what your significant other is looking at, but before you start packing your bags and dividing your DVD’s you should know he might not have wanted to see those pictures any more than you. Here are some things to keep in mind.
- Don’t judge a book by its cover
The link said asian cheerleaders but you’re staring at the horrific result of fresh zucchini day at the north pole. How is this possible? Well for starters most porn sites use re-directs to make money. He’s looking at a beautiful picture of Lucy Liu and decides he might want to see a little more so he clicks the link. Instead of the Lucy Liu at the beach he gets hide the cucumber with Patty and Selma. He might have been as shocked and disgusted as you, although being a guy, he knows this is a simple fact of internet porn. If you happen to see pictures of women and dogs, gay sex, or any other imagery you wouldn’t expect from your significant other don’t assume he meant to see it. - The Car accident factor
So you see that he didn’t look at one, but fifteen pictures of a 600 pound woman jumping rope in her living room. Is this what he really likes? Well hang up the phone on Pizza Hut and put the twinkies down, the fact is he might have just gotten caught up in internet porn rubbernecking. He looks at those photos for the same reason you slow down around a car accident. Not that twisted metal and corpses turns him on, just a morbid curiosity. - Pop ups / Cookies (Glendale)
This is the reason I’ve been sleeping on the couch for the last week. Many porn sites download cookies to your computer. They also can tell by where you are accessing the internet your GENERAL location. As any guy who looks at porn knows, if you click through enough you’ll get pop up ads for “Adult singles in your area.” If this was a normal ad I wouldn’t be using my coat as a blanket. The trick with this ad is they track where you are getting your internet service from and put the location in the ad. For example I live in Glendale, so for me the ad shows a sexy young woman holding what looks like a hand written card that says “Hi from Glendale.” This might be common knowledge for most guys, but try explaining that to a woman throwing dishes. - Auto saves to favorites
Some porn sites even have links to click on to download a video. If the video extension is .exe instead of the intended video the user may be in a world of pain. This can allow porn sites to change your home page to a porn site, ad porn sites to your favorites, or do any number of different things. I had a bookmarked video game site re-linked to what looked like child porn. I had never seen the site before and lost my link to the world of warcraft forum I regularly checked out. If someone else saw it before I did I may have had much larger problems on my hands. - When in doubt, talk
If a man has an internet connection, he looks at internet porn. This is a simple factof life but if you see something unsettling maybe you should talk to him about it before you make wild assumptions or accusations. Don’t just assume your loved one is a chubby chasing pedophile with an Asian fetish, talk to him. If you see something uncharacteristic of him, confront him on it, after all if you can’t trust him you shouldn’t be with him in the first place.
I just think you live in the ancient world with pop up and all the other stuff you talking about.There is plenty of extensions for firefox to fix those problems also there is a button to total erase your history and cookies build in into Firefox.
Plus search the web for torrent website there is a lot of site that cater only to porn.
I use Firefox on Linux and one thing I refuse to do is remove any part of my browsing history. I get pop ups too (not as bad as they can be) *but* because not all pop ups are evil. I can sympathize on a few points, e.g., my wife walked into the home office the other day and saw me looking at something that wasn’t embarrassing but something I wouldn’t have wanted to get caught viewing. I use the RSS live link function in Firefox on Reddit, and descriptions aren’t exactly clear most of the time. I showed her how I got there and she laughed *but* I could have ended up in the 3rd degree otherwise. I can understand and woman should too. Thank god I have a good and understanding wifey
PS. Pop-ups are good for some things. e.g., write a comment on this site and hit preview…
Not every man looks at porn, it’s not that normal when you think about it.
I second what “martin” says… I mean I know both guys and girls alike, myself included, that look at porn, but only few of them actually look at porn REGULARLY.
Not every man looks at porn, it’s not that normal when you think about it.
Lol, yeah good one
Well perhaps if you’re mormon or part of some other wierd religious branch or cult that tells you that sex is wrong and that our reproductive organs are gifts from satan, then you might not be looking at internet porn a whole lot.
Odds are then that you end up like a 30yo German couple who doesn’t know how to make babies.
That’s the christian way to go
I’m afraid I have to disagree. What with being alive and all, I happen to come into contact daily with human beings. Approximately 50% of these humans are male, and I can say with certainty that at least 90% of them look at pornography regularly. Interestingly enough, about 10% of the females do as well. I strongly believe that almost all men, and some women, with an internet connection look at porn regularly, but far fewer are willing to acknowledge it.
Also, keep in mind the difference between “normal” and “common”: playing professional football is not considered “abnormal,” but far less than a tenth of a percent of the American populace does it. Similarly, even if the vast majority of men didn’t look at pornography (which, I would point out, is disproved by the mere existence of the porn industry), it would still not necessarily be less normal.
Some men don’t, granted. But the Porn industry is huge. Quick random Google search:
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/11/21/60minutes/main585049.shtml
No, what’s not normal is not looking at porn. That’s usually caused by some kind of abusive upbringing, such as your parents forcing you into some kind of cult like christianity. It’s normal and natural to be interested in sex and sexuality. To not be interested is the real sin. There is no god, there is no afterlife, so give your weenie a tug and be happy about it.
Whoever said that a few women watch porn doesn’t have an open relationship with many women. Women just lie about not watching porn because its not considered to be very “lady like.” As a woman, who has lots of female friends, I know for a FACT that they have watched lots and lots of porn in the past. They don’t tell a lot of people, but oh have they been out there in the porn world before.
I think something very important needs to be added to this. Unless the women who is mad at their husband/boyfriend has NEVER looked twice at another man, never watched porn herself (besides if she was just curious to see what the big deal was) and has openly said to their partner that porn is strictly disallowed from the relationship (granted they had a discussion about it because otherwise it would be one sided) the woman needs to calm herself down. Porn is NOT a means to find the partner of your dreams, and it is not even a very personal thing. Even if the person does not think of their partner while watching other people at it, it doesn’t mean that they don’t love the other person.
As a woman in a relationship, I not only let my boyfriend watch porn, but I like that he watches porn. It means that I don’t always need to be there, and I know that he is not going to do a Google search on these women and go out to find them in real life. When its on the internet, it is just pixels on the screen.
Normal is a funny word. People use it to accuse others, justify their own beliefs, and many other crazy things like that. Normality is many different things. There are lot of different norms, one of which being personal norms. Porn is not normal to everyone, but just because porn does not fit into your opinions of what normal is, that does not give you a good reason to go out and judge those who do think it is normal.
Before you judge someone on their porn viewing, ask yourself these questions:
1: How is this changing me. I know some women might go “my boyfriend doesn’t love me” but think a little more than that. If you did not know about his porn watching, would your sex life change any? Is he cheating on you because he watches porn? Is his porn viewing really THAT bad to you? Unless he compares you to the women he sees, forces you to watch it against your will, needs it while he is with you, cheats on you or any thing along those lines, I bet that it is because you have a problem with it, that is what is causing trouble in the relationship… not him.
2: Is it right to apply my personal norms to others? Sometimes yes. If you feel that guests at the dinner table should ask to be excused before getting up, that is one thing. Asking someone to change a way of life, a hobby, or their happiness, that is a completely different thing. Just as you should not force your partner to change his spiritual beliefs, you should not ask your partner to change his moral beliefs. If you do not like it, more than likely, you are the one causing the problem, and you should deal with yourself before you deal with him.
3: Am I seeing this through his eyes at all? Most women who get mad over their partners porn watching fail at this question badly. They find out, they freak out, and they are 100% right. They do NOT stop to think, “I wonder how my partner feels about this” or “I don’t agree with it, maybe I should ask questions about how he feels while viewing porn before I jump to conclusions.” You have every right to be mad, but he has every right to explain himself.
4: Is this really love? Chances are that if you really get that mad, you are not satisfied with the love you have. If you truly feel in love, connected, and trusting, you would not be this upset. You may blame him for not being the ideal that you always wanted, but how do you know that you are not his ideal as well? In a good relationship, both parties try to understand the other way of thinking, compromise, and work things out.
Everyone has their norms, and no one has a right to judge other people on it unless it directly conflicts with their happiness. On the subject of being happy… if you really cared about your boyfriend instead of yourself, wouldn’t you want him to continue doing what makes him happy?
I think it’s really interesting that a woman who is hurt by the fact that her boyfriend/husband is imagining having sex with other people on a regular basis is the one who has the “problem”. It’s sad that a woman’s feelings are considered “you are the one causing the problem” in the relationship. Do I think internet porn is an open and closed subject? No. Does that mean women are in the wrong for having feelings about their partner’s need to get his yayas without her help? No.
Krystyna, I understand what you’re saying about the role of porn and it’s actual affect on the relationship. If porn isn’t used as a tool for abuse there shouldn’t be a problem. However, the statement “unless he compares you to the women he sees” is interesting. I doubt any man in his right mind would say to his girlfriend “I’m more attracted to this woman on the internet than I am to you”. If he wants to continue to get his “real sex”, he wouldn’t risk it. Suppose a man is downloading mostly redheads? Or the majority of the porn he views is anal. If his significant other is not a redhead and seldom if ever has anal sex (BTW, Ouch), isn’t it normal that she would feel like a failure or like she is not enough for her man?
It’s easy to say that porn is a no fault activity. But it’s important to understand how a man’s choice in his sexual activity without his partner DOES have bearing on their relationship. I agree that communication is very important to the relationship and should be used on this topic. It is sad that even though the idea of a woman’s partner fantasizing about having sex with other women is painful that her feelings have to be something wrong with HER and that if she wants to date any American man she will probably have to deal with that fact.
I agree with Krystyna comments
I also agree that 90% of men probably look at porn but won’t admit it.. i fit in this category.
reading these articals i take away a womens point of view: looking at porn is a sexual act, if you participate in a sexual act without your mate a female may label this as cheating.
although i understand that may be how some women think i don’t agree with it.
now for my scenario.. i got caught this has turned into a huge ordeal.
the random women i look at on the Internet.. they are characters, i don’t care who they are i don’t care about any thing except how they look on my computer screen so i can look and then carry on my day without thinking about sex every 5 seconds because i haven’t had any.
is this cheating.. apparently thats debatable but i would say no.
should this break up a marriage or a relationship, a woman might think so but reading this suggests that maybe this woman doesn’t really love me at all maybe this is a way out for her.
do i think that my mate is better or worse than this person.. actually better.. thats why i’m with her and i’m not chasing strippers and hookers because thats basically who you see on the Internet posing.
is this act wrong.. yes. i’m bad sorry, just because i fit in to that 90%/normal/average doesn’t mean its right.
so it’s hard for me to react to this without an understanding, i cant be mad i did it to her right? not really but ok ill just go with that. so my reaction is full of sorries and how can i make it up to you to which she replies you cant.
so whats going to make her feel better? i don’t know, she thinks dwelling on it will she’s trying to find some answer. i’m embarrassed about this jut her and i talking about it… now she’s telling her friends about it. so now i’m mad my/our personal life is being exposed for her to feel better about her self.
and she threatens or perhaps does say she’s going to talk to her X about it, or for the sake of revenge just go talk to him.
so i’m left now angry, embarrassed, and thinking she doesn’t really want to be with me.
I’d just like to say the vast majority of Christians, Catholics included, believe in a forgiving god. Just look at Ireland. They’re mostly Catholic and Protestant people who have extra-marital sex on Saturday then go the confession Sunday. it’s actually a terrific system.