“So, is that your girlfriend?”
“No, we’re just seeing each other.”

Seeing each other? What exactly does that mean anyway? Some say it’s dating, others say it’s everything but the title, and still many others think it’s the perfect relationship: the open relationship, where you have the liberty to see other people at the same time. But are you really free?

This one is for the boys, because although both guys and gals play this pointless game, according to a survey – conducted on 100 men and women between the ages of 18 and 25 – only 43 out of 100 women compared to a whopping 87 out of 100 men, said they would rather be in an open relationship than a committed one.

A few years ago, a San Francisco appellate court defined dating as, “a social relationship between two individuals who have a reciprocally amorous and increasingly exclusive interest in one another, and shared expectation of the growth of that mutual interest, that has endured for such a length of time and stimulated such frequent interactions that the relationship cannot be deemed to have been casual.”

Basically, it’s the girl you come home drunk to every night after scoring phone numbers at the bars with the boys. It’s the girl you like, but don’t want to call your “girlfriend,” because you’re scared of what you might be missing out on if you had to commit yourself just to one person.

Honestly boys, you might as well call her your girlfriend because you know you get enraged with jealousy whenever you see her fluttering her seductive eyelashes at another guy. And you know you don’t mean it when you say it’s okay for her to see other people. You know you’d want to jump over the bar and knock a dude out if you saw him buying drinks for the girl you’re “just seeing.”

I’m sure you’re not oblivious to the fact that women are jealous, attention-seeking divas – every single one. Ladies, let’s admit it. We might say, “It’s okay, you can go pick up other girls with the guys tonight.” But you know deep down inside, as the blood in your veins start to boil and you clench your fists till you break through skin, you want to strangle him for being so stupid and insensitive. And if you ever saw him with another girl…let’s not even go there.

Being in an open relationship is just asking for a daily dose of head-splitting drama, hate, and hurt. Sure, at first just seeing someone is great – you get to be intimate with someone without having to call them as soon as you wake up and right before you go to bed, but eventually the shit will hit the fan and you’ll be dealing with heartbroken girls sobbing over the phone or keying your car.

So why do so many singles find themselves in this vicious cycle of mind games and pointless relationships? Kathy Sanborn, a life and career coach, says today’s singles want to explore and keep their options open because they realize the need to do so in order to find the right person. Sanborn also believes these relationships are healthy, as long as there is honesty between the partners.

It’s best put by local amateur monogamist, Nancy Chen, who has been with her boyfriend for three years, “seeing someone is being with them until you find someone else that’s better.” So, if you’re tough enough to deal with the fact that you could be dumped at any moment for someone else that is supposedly better than you – according to the person who dumped you – then have fun and good luck. But for the rest of us that have tender hearts, let’s wait until the right one comes along; don’t invest any real emotions and feelings on anyone who doesn’t deserve it

It’s time to explore some more serious matters when it comes to relationships – LOVE. How far does love stretch? Couples all across the country who are stuck in long distance relationships ponder the same questions: Is it possible? Can we make it work? Can I make it work?

I’m sure there are plenty of couples who can keep it together. They don’t mind the constant phone calls checking up on each other; phone calls just to watch TV and listen to each other breathe; or phone calls just to talk about nothing and fall asleep to wake up with digits imprinted onto your cheek; and don’t forget about those phone calls when you’re trying to get a little tipsy at a party:

“Who’s that?”

“Oh, nobody. I’m at party and it’s really loud.”

“Why are you at a party? God, don’t you want to talk to me?”

Seriously, how do they do it?

Too many couples, on the other hand, end up going through the most heart-wrenching pain ever, trying to cope with the loss of their other half and dealing with wandering eyes that are taunted by temptations everywhere they look – sometimes it’s just too hard to resist the shiny forbidden fruit that is making your mouth salivate when you’ve been deprived for so long.

How much do relationships rely on satisfying our physical needs and wants? Guys, can you rest at night when your Jessica Simpson look-alike girlfriend, who is going to the most notorious party school hundreds of miles away, could be meeting the Nick Lachey of her dreams at some sleazy frat social? Ladies, don’t you wake up from nightmares of wicked promiscuous girls begging your boyfriend to go home with them through their mysteriously wild stares and overwhelmingly intoxicating perfume? Sooner or later, they’re going to give in to their needs as a human being to be touched and loved, physically.

We all have to acknowledge the fact that our desires for being with someone include the desire to be physically intimate with another person. In fact, that could quite possibly top the list of reasons why we are all in search of that special someone to share our lives with – to fulfill our sexual appetites.

Dr. Alan E. Fuller, a member of Coachville.com and a founding member of the International Association of Coaches, who also happens to be an ordained minister, suggests sleeping with your partner’s t-shirt or underwear, or spraying your pillow with his/her scent, and keeping plenty of pictures around. Dr. Fuller says, “Feeding your senses with things that remind you of your partner while they are away, can help you remember him/her throughout the day and it can be a good way of feeling like a part of them is with you.”

But how much can a pair of Issey Miyaki-scented boxers really make your heart fall back in love with him, when your body has fallen so out of love and is yearning to be cuddled and feel warmth? How long can you go on closing your eyes at night, with her lacy lingerie clenched in your hands as you gaze into her blank eyes through the glossy photos, and your body aches for her touch?

Eve Hogan, senior editor of, “Chicken Soup for the African American Soul,” spokesperson for DreamMates.com, and labyrinth facilitator says couples really need to contemplate and evaluate whether it is worth being in a long distance relationship before they agree on being in one. If you don’t see yourself being with that person seriously for a while, then there is no point in putting so much time and effort into something like a long distance relationship which requires unconditional patience in order to maintain a healthy flow of communication.

Dr. Fuller also suggests setting aside a certain time of day that you spend talking to that person, and only using that limited amount of time to talk about what’s going on in their separate lives and planning visits to each other. This way, long distance couples don’t have to feel like they’re constantly on the phone updating their boy/girlfriend.

Long distance relationships are rewarding, if you can manage putting up with the mile-long list of restraints it puts on you; it can teach you a lot of discipline and your relationship could blossom into a beautiful love story.

But (and there’s always a “but”), unless you’re really planning on getting married to this person, it’s pointless. If you have any doubts and you feel like you’re barely holding on to the last strands that tie your long distance relationship together – whether it be because you met someone else, simply fell out of love with your invisible partner, or just don’t think long distance relationships work – get out of it now!

Nancy Pina, a former matchmaker, relationship expert, and the author of, “The Right Relationship Can Happen,” says: “Women need to wait for the right one and stick to their standards, instead of giving in to all the wrong men, which causes an endless cycle of bad relationships.”

It’s better to wake up every morning in an empty bed in your cotton pajamas, than to wake up naked next to some guy you went home with just because you didn’t want to feel lonely at night. It’s better to blow out the aching number of candles that grow every year to illuminate your birthday cake just with friends, than to argue with your jealous boyfriend because he thinks you’re too drunk and accuses you of flirting with every single guy at the bar. It’s better to gossip on the phone about why he’s with that hideous beast who can’t even match her shoes to her outfit, than to sit on the phone for endless hours talking to your boyfriend, who is on the other side of the country, asking: “What are you doing?” “Nothing, you?” “Yeah me too,” until you both fall asleep.

As many of us experience these worthless relationships that go nowhere, we pressure ourselves to find “the one,” but love is something that can’t be forced. There’s no point in trying to figure out who “the one” is right now, because there is nothing to figure out; “the one” will come when it is time. If you don’t think “the one” is living in this town, you’re probably right. If “the one” hasn’t found you yet, which is how it should be anyway, then it means you’re not ready, says Pina.

Men may be a difficult species to understand and live with, but women, we need to stop blaming them for everything. According to Pina, in order to have healthy relationships, we need to pay attention to our relationship cycles and evaluate the type of men we are attracted to. If you’re letting guys break your heart over and over again, maybe you should go for someone you aren’t initially drawn to. So maybe you aren’t attracted to the short guy with the greasy slicked back hair and shiny silk polyester shirt who dances all alone, but he could be a thousand times better than the shaggy-haired rock star, or the tall dark and handsome football player, or the hot Abercrombie model-looking socialite that all the girls drool over and all the guys want to be friends with. Sometimes the most valuable treasures are found in the most unexpected places.

Still, if all men seem the same right now, believe it or not, this world is full of such a variety of flavors from us to choose from. So, wait for the right choice to come along. We deserve men anyways, not boys – let them grow up first.