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How many people is too many to have slept with? (Factor in age and maturity levels.)

Yesterday, while in the car with bartender number 2 / my current love interest, who doesn’t want a girlfriend, but defines what we are doing as “dating,” sparked a conversation about numbers. We have sort of had this conversation before, but never anything other than his statement of “I don’t want to know how many people you have been with in the past.” Fair enough. But yesterday was different.

Stuck in traffic on our way to Home Depot to buy supplies for one of his art projects, I asked him what he thought was an “okay” number of people to have slept with. To my surprise, we had similar perspectives on the topic. While he prefaced our conversation with, “I don’t want to know your number Caroline,” he continued on to tell me he thought an actual number was kind of bullshit. You could sleep with one person for your entire life and actually have sex a hundred times more than some one who has slept with twenty times as many people. So true.

“Troubled by the plethora of revisionist science suggesting whales are bigamists, Harpoon referred to a higher authority. In a paper by Greenpeace scientists entitled ‘Are whales ‘almost human’?’ it clearly states that on reaching maturity a whale ‘finally chooses a partner for life’” (www.highnorth.com).

He had been in three serious relationships in the last four years, and can attest to the fact that, he has really only slept with a small number of people throughout his time in school. Of course, there are always a few randoms thrown in, but still. Therefore, according to my “non-boyfriend,” the actual number doesn’t really matter. He did go on to say, however, there is a certain level of responsibility involved with sex. Obviously.

Well, first, my “non-boyfriend” brought up the disease factor. No need to elaborate here. But then we got into this whole conversation about virgins. Since you will never forget the first person you sleep with, do you owe them something? If you loose your virginity later in life, like in college lets say, your partner is kind of responsible. He can’t just up and leave you after he has taken away something you have saved for twenty some odd years. He is almost indebted to you and staying with you. However, if you lost it in high school, why is it that sex becomes this requirement? When you sleep with some one for the first time ever, in your life, it seems as though each and every relationship to follow, requires sex. What happened to the days when making out was enough? Why do we have to become literally, physically connected to the people we date?

“Dating and sex. Always a difficult one. You cant get away from it, dating and sex and inextricably interlinked. If you are meeting people romantically at some point you will want to go to bed with each other… for many sex is initially a test of compatibility – a big one. If you don’t get on well in bed, you won’t be going much further. Modern generations are sexually demanding, they know how to give and receive pleasure and expect the same in return” (www.ting365.com).

Maybe it’s a maturity thing. From a guy’s perspective, at least the guy I was talking to, there comes a point when doing everything but, becomes boring. “It’s like enough with the opening act, lets get to the show.” Okay. I can sympathize with that. However, then comes the question of when is the right time to sleep with someone you are dating? Since college, means drinking and drinking leads to people hooking up, sex just seems to come natural. Maybe too natural.

So we have been sitting in traffic on 60, for half an hour, when I go back to my original question: how many is too many? We danced around my question, because if he gives me a number, I will either have to consider myself a slut or a prude. If you have been having sex, with more than one person, it is evitable you will tally up a certain number. Personally, I like to keep a nice little list of people I have physically been with, but that’s just me. I guess I don’t know if there is a “right” number of people to have slept with. I guess maybe if I was told the guy I was currently with had slept with like fifty people, it would be a huge deal breaker. Similarly, if I was told he has been with just one person, he would seem inexperienced. And that could be a deal breaker as well. But again it is just a number. As we pulled into the parking lot of Home Depot about to buy lumber and metal, our conversation kind of fizzled. Personally, I don’t think it really matters. And apparently neither did my “non-boyfriend.” It is just a number after all.

I have friends who have slept with thirty people. I have friends who have slept with five. And I have friends who haven’t slept with anyone. And just by looking, you could never tell. The virgin, she looks like a slut. And the one who has slept with thirty some odd people, she looks like she would have difficulty finding one person to sleep with. So then it begs the question, how many is too many, and how many is not enough? Well, if all guys are like my “non-boyfriend” then I guess the number isn’t so much of an issue. Assuming you’re disease-free.