Sometimes it’s OK to cheat
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Recently I started dating a girl who asked me if I’ve ever cheated on a girlfriend. Answering honestly, I said yes. This was enough for her to instantly dismiss me and regardless of what I had to say she had made up her mind right there and then that I was a lying, cheating asshole that shouldn’t be trusted. We never had a second date.
Long story short, I dated a girl in high school who was, shall I say, a little unstable. There came a point where I no longer wanted to be in the relationship with her and I sat her down and told her why it was over. Six hours of crying and pleading later she told me that if I broke up with her she’d kill herself. She had had a history of cutting herself and recently had a falling out with her best friend, the only other people she felt close to. Knowing her as well as I did, I took this threat seriously.
At fifteen I was put in a hard situation. I didn’t want to be with her anymore, but I didn’t want her dead either. Over the next three months I did all I could to get her closer to her friends and support base and less attached to me. During that time I met a girl I ended up really liking. I explained to her the exact situation I was in with my girlfriend. She said she really liked me too and we could be together in private until I felt I could end things with my current girlfriend without worrying about her killing herself.
Three months later my girlfriend was seeing her friends as often as she was seeing me, her confidence was way up, and for the first time since we started dating I wasn’t playing the largest role in her life, she was. This time the break up took about half an hour. She was of course upset, but no where near the dark place she was in her life previous. A month later I went on my first official date with the wonderful woman I had been involved with for nearly three months. Given the chance, I’d have done it all the same.
Yes, I cheated on a girlfriend in high school, but I’m not a cheater. I also stole a candy bar from the grocery store when I was 8, but I’m not a thief. I’ve never cheated on a girl since and I feel completely justified in what I did. I’ve since talked to several people, both men and women, who have had different instances in which they cheated and felt justified. If you judge a person based on a single negative experience they are honest enough to share with you then you’re destined to end up with someone who has done far worse and lies about it.
Counter Point –
By Janie Jane, Author of “Once a cheater, Always a cheater”
Blah, blah, blah…so you were trying to save someone’s life. Were you having sex with two women at the same time without telling one of them? Then you were cheating. And although you did these things as a child, you bring the behavior into your adult life and transfer it into adult situations. Sure, you don’t steal candy bars anymore…but do you steal music? If it’s easy, you do. If you’re not gonna get caught you do. So you’re a thief and a cheater. In any event, I do agree that sometimes cheating is justified…all I’m saying is once you do it the first time, you’ll be tempted to do it again and again. Cheaters don’t change. Either will my opinion of them.
I never cheat.
Maybe I look at porn. Maybe I get hand jobs from the asian massuse on the corner, maybe I spend 3 nights a week in a strip club, maybe I have cyber sex any chance I get… but I don’t cheat.
Bill Clinton said it best, “I didn’t have sexual relations with that woman.” Tab A didn’t insert into slot B.
That’s all there is to it.
No, actually you are a huge cheater.
Everything that you just mentioned is cheating. Cheating happens in the mind… when you visualize yourself with another woman, that’s cheating. When you get a handjob, that’s definately cheating. When you tell someone online that you’re having sex with them, what would be more cheating than that!!!
The Bill Clinton thing was him telling congress to f-off about using a empechment inquiry to dig up his personal dirt. It was nasty politics. I don’t think you can use the carefully worded responses for a brilliant lawyer (Clinton was a lawyer) to form the basis of your lifestyle.
I have heard it all. It is only cheating if our skin touches (so you use a condom). It is only cheating if he cums. It is only cheating if she finds out about it.
My advice: Ask what cheating is. Maybe masturbating alone is cheating, in your partner’s definition. Maybe sex more than once is cheating. Find out their definition and you will know their limits too.
And if you have to justify it with technical talk to skirt the issue, like saying it is genetics or I have an excuse, it is probably cheating. Even if it is not, you felt it was, so guilty as charged.
Cheating is inevitable. Cheating is what comes after marriage (or being in a relationship). It’s in our genetic code. Men are supposed to spread their seed far and wide to help propigate the species. It’s nature’s way of keeping mankind going.
Women are generically predisposed to latching on to a guy, of course, because when she’s knocked up, she needs protection from the sabre tooth tigers and wooly mammoths and such. So, women are generally against cheating.
What I can’t understand is when it’s the woman who cheats.
I’ve cheated.
That’s right, I have cheated, in fact on my current boyfriend. When I say cheating, I have had sex on two different occasions, with some one other than my boyfriend. Now, before I get the massive, how dare you, blah blah blah, lets put it this way. I listened to my boy talk about all the other girls he’s had sex with, he’s fooled around with. And he was my first, my only, so all of his talking made me rather uncomfortable. Now I am not trying to say it was his fault that I cheated, that was my choice, and they were dumb mistakes. However they are some thing we got around. As for what cheating is, it’s having a sexual relation, if you wouldn’t have cyber-sex while your other half was around and watching then thats cheating.