Sometimes it’s OK to cheat

By:

Recently I started dating a girl who asked me if I’ve ever cheated on a girlfriend. Answering honestly, I said yes. This was enough for her to instantly dismiss me and regardless of what I had to say she had made up her mind right there and then that I was a lying, cheating asshole that shouldn’t be trusted. We never had a second date.

Long story short, I dated a girl in high school who was, shall I say, a little unstable. There came a point where I no longer wanted to be in the relationship with her and I sat her down and told her why it was over. Six hours of crying and pleading later she told me that if I broke up with her she’d kill herself. She had had a history of cutting herself and recently had a falling out with her best friend, the only other people she felt close to. Knowing her as well as I did, I took this threat seriously.

At fifteen I was put in a hard situation. I didn’t want to be with her anymore, but I didn’t want her dead either. Over the next three months I did all I could to get her closer to her friends and support base and less attached to me. During that time I met a girl I ended up really liking. I explained to her the exact situation I was in with my girlfriend. She said she really liked me too and we could be together in private until I felt I could end things with my current girlfriend without worrying about her killing herself.

Three months later my girlfriend was seeing her friends as often as she was seeing me, her confidence was way up, and for the first time since we started dating I wasn’t playing the largest role in her life, she was. This time the break up took about half an hour. She was of course upset, but no where near the dark place she was in her life previous. A month later I went on my first official date with the wonderful woman I had been involved with for nearly three months. Given the chance, I’d have done it all the same.

Yes, I cheated on a girlfriend in high school, but I’m not a cheater. I also stole a candy bar from the grocery store when I was 8, but I’m not a thief. I’ve never cheated on a girl since and I feel completely justified in what I did. I’ve since talked to several people, both men and women, who have had different instances in which they cheated and felt justified. If you judge a person based on a single negative experience they are honest enough to share with you then you’re destined to end up with someone who has done far worse and lies about it.

Counter Point –

By Janie Jane, Author of “Once a cheater, Always a cheater”

Blah, blah, blah…so you were trying to save someone’s life. Were you having sex with two women at the same time without telling one of them? Then you were cheating. And although you did these things as a child, you bring the behavior into your adult life and transfer it into adult situations. Sure, you don’t steal candy bars anymore…but do you steal music? If it’s easy, you do. If you’re not gonna get caught you do. So you’re a thief and a cheater. In any event, I do agree that sometimes cheating is justified…all I’m saying is once you do it the first time, you’ll be tempted to do it again and again. Cheaters don’t change. Either will my opinion of them.

Last 5 posts by PostBoy

14 Responses to Sometimes it’s OK to cheat

Fuzzbutt

August 10th, 2006 at 11:26 pm

I never cheat.

Maybe I look at porn. Maybe I get hand jobs from the asian massuse on the corner, maybe I spend 3 nights a week in a strip club, maybe I have cyber sex any chance I get… but I don’t cheat.

Bill Clinton said it best, “I didn’t have sexual relations with that woman.” Tab A didn’t insert into slot B.

That’s all there is to it.

Madam Butterfly

August 10th, 2006 at 11:27 pm

No, actually you are a huge cheater.

Everything that you just mentioned is cheating. Cheating happens in the mind… when you visualize yourself with another woman, that’s cheating. When you get a handjob, that’s definately cheating. When you tell someone online that you’re having sex with them, what would be more cheating than that!!!

The Bill Clinton thing was him telling congress to f-off about using a empechment inquiry to dig up his personal dirt. It was nasty politics. I don’t think you can use the carefully worded responses for a brilliant lawyer (Clinton was a lawyer) to form the basis of your lifestyle.

Robert M

October 20th, 2006 at 11:31 pm

I have heard it all. It is only cheating if our skin touches (so you use a condom). It is only cheating if he cums. It is only cheating if she finds out about it.

My advice: Ask what cheating is. Maybe masturbating alone is cheating, in your partner’s definition. Maybe sex more than once is cheating. Find out their definition and you will know their limits too.

And if you have to justify it with technical talk to skirt the issue, like saying it is genetics or I have an excuse, it is probably cheating. Even if it is not, you felt it was, so guilty as charged.

Crazy88

December 10th, 2006 at 11:29 pm

Cheating is inevitable. Cheating is what comes after marriage (or being in a relationship). It’s in our genetic code. Men are supposed to spread their seed far and wide to help propigate the species. It’s nature’s way of keeping mankind going.

Women are generically predisposed to latching on to a guy, of course, because when she’s knocked up, she needs protection from the sabre tooth tigers and wooly mammoths and such. So, women are generally against cheating.

What I can’t understand is when it’s the woman who cheats.

Girly

March 12th, 2007 at 11:24 pm

I’ve cheated.
That’s right, I have cheated, in fact on my current boyfriend. When I say cheating, I have had sex on two different occasions, with some one other than my boyfriend. Now, before I get the massive, how dare you, blah blah blah, lets put it this way. I listened to my boy talk about all the other girls he’s had sex with, he’s fooled around with. And he was my first, my only, so all of his talking made me rather uncomfortable. Now I am not trying to say it was his fault that I cheated, that was my choice, and they were dumb mistakes. However they are some thing we got around. As for what cheating is, it’s having a sexual relation, if you wouldn’t have cyber-sex while your other half was around and watching then thats cheating.

attz

March 5th, 2009 at 11:44 am

once is ok..
twice is not good..
thrice is tOO much..
and fOrth is enOugh !!

there’s always room for change..

k

July 1st, 2009 at 3:35 pm

If you’re cheating you’re obviously not happy with your current spouse….. so why not just leave them, divorce them, and find someone else? It’s not hard to just leave the person you’re with and find someone else…..I don’t get you retards.

K

July 2nd, 2009 at 4:59 pm

If you have to cheat then you are not happy with your current relationship. So why not just break up or divorce them? I just don’t understand. So you just want your cake and eat it too? You don’t care to hurt others feelings? Grow up and just break off your current relationship if you want to be a man whore or a slut and stop hurting these good people. You might also want to try going to church before you start having unwanted kids and get some moral values so you can pass them on to these kids so they don’t end up like you cheaters.

James

January 30th, 2010 at 9:43 pm

Cheating has nothing to do with being unhappy with your current partner, or being a liar, or unethical, or any of the above. In fact NOT “cheating” is about the least natural thing there is. I will prove this with 3 un-contestable points.

1: Biology- We are primates. Primates are not monogamous animals. They form temporary mated couples for the sake of offspring, beyond that they may form tightly knit family groups, or bonded pairs, but they do not stay sexually monogamous AT ALL….none of them do. Not the Baboon, not the Chimpanzee, not the Gorilla, and not the Homo Sapien.

2: History- It was well accepted in history that people would have multiple partners. Almost every society in the world has had the concept of concubines. Now this is a little sexist only because most of these cultures were male-dominate, but there are some examples of women having their own harems. For example Cleopatra had several lovers, often at the same time, and she was well regarded as a smart powerful woman for it.

3: Society- All of the numbers, all of the research ever done, overwhelmingly concludes that life-long monogamy is just not in our nature. And monogamy over long periods of time is just damn near impossible. You may not like it…but that’s the way it is. 50% of marriages end in divorce, and in the other 50%….well they were just better at hiding their secrets.

Relationships would be healthier and marriages would remain more stable if we could look at these facts, learn to reconcile them in a healthy way, and cast off this silly yoke of arbitrary and manufactured morality that has only come around rather recently in history, mostly due to Catholic and Puritan sex-phobia in the pre-industrial eras.

James

January 30th, 2010 at 9:48 pm

I would also respond to the direct above poster, named “K” that according to a number of studies the divorce rates, teen pregnancy rates, STD rates, and abortion rates are all higher amongst heavily religious western populations than amongst non-religious. So your statment that you should go to church and “get some morals” is just not at all a valid statment and is not held up in the least by any data.

BR

February 14th, 2010 at 9:01 pm

This is all very depressing. Why even bother trying to be a committed person when your other will inevitably be cheat on you and shrug it off. Old fashioned is truly old fashioned. There are no clear standards anymore and what is scary is people are ok with that.

James

February 26th, 2010 at 4:34 pm

Old Fashioned as you call it was New Fangled at one point. The Idea of the life-long monogamous mated-pair is not the default human position, and it has certainly not always been that way. Many societies throughout the course of history have accepted multiple partners or polygamy. In fact I would wager that if you broke it down more societies have been prone to multiple partners, or at least serial monogamy, than life-long mated couples. This idea of life-long monogamous mated couples is realtivly new compared to the idea of the Harem and the Concubine. What you are calling “Old fashioned” isn’t really that “old”.

There are plenty of standards, they just aren’t your standards, THAT is what is scary, to you at least.

tlc

March 23rd, 2010 at 9:48 pm

LAST TIME I CHECKED, I’M NOT A MONKEY. I EVOLVED. ANIMALS DONT REALLY HAVE FEELINGS AND A CONCIENCE. DONT GIVE ME THAT, ITS IN OUR GENES. YOU HAVE A MIND THAT CAN BE CONTROLLED. ITS CALLED SELF CONTROL.

A girl who chooses reason over faith...yes, we do exist

May 25th, 2011 at 11:48 pm

Although I appreciate Postboy’s honesty, I question his motives and am not convinced of his loyalty, since he openly admitted to getting handjobs from a professional and having cybersex regularly in an earlier comment. The issue at this point is less about his strange definition of “cheating” and more about willful deception of his girlfriend if he keeps these things secret. If she is aware of your actions and OK with them, by all means go out and pay a sex slave disquised as a massuse to spank it for you.

In response to James, I think you’re my new hero! I have always believed lifetime monogamy was unnatural. If it were in sync with nature and our biological makeup, other creatures would be doing it too, but other animals don’t pass judgment on their instincts. They just follow them. Humans are cursed with a brain just advanced enough to make us think we know better than natural law.

Society and the church have done an excellent job of convincing people that their instincts are shameful, if not outright evil. According to many religious leaders: Gays should just train themselves to be straight. Men should never lust for any woman other than their wife; and even thinking about your neighbor’s wife is a heinous act. Clergy should turn off all sexual desires in order to serve God more effectively. Sure, suppressing our instincts is healthy. Our clergy are molesting children and our gays are more likely to commit suicide during adolesence than any other group. It’s time to stop fighting against nature and blaming ourselves for losing the battle time and time again.

Comment Form

top