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Are you feeling the butterflies? Satisfied that you are comfortable and happy? Or, best of all – a little of both? When contemplating marriage for the second time, having both the passion and solace with the right person can be a fulfilling adventure.
Kids these days – those 20-30 year olds that you work with still rush to get married the first time with a large focus on the wedding day. Notice all the wedding and bride websites populating the net? Have you seen the television “reality” shows zooming in on the harried brides and overspent budgets for the perfect day? And, where are the men? Alone – hoping it is all over soon. Or, with their male friends at the bar talking about how their life is not the same, sometimes mournfully. Insert “Coupling” episode here for a good laugh at relationships.
From the U.S. Census Bureau, the median age at a first marriage for men is roughly 27 and 25 for women. Statistics on marriage, divorce and remarriage are often cited from the Center for Disease Control and the Division of Vital Statistics.

Noodle this summary:
The older the woman is at her first marriage, at least over 25 – the least likely she is to marry again.
Nearly all men and women – roughly 95% have been married once by age 55.
With each subsequent marriage, the likelihood of divorce increases.

What is a person to do?

From the movie “Keeping the Faith,” mother Ruth Schram tells her son’s friend, Anna Riley, “I think you’re all doing it the right way. It takes at least ten years to get to know yourself well enough to stop being a total idiot. It’s hard enough without binding yourself [marrying] to another total idiot.”

Anna replies, “Well, what’s scary is, when you spend those ten years… going after the things you thought were important… get those things, and then feel a sneaking suspicion that you went after the wrong things… and that where the important things are concerned… you’re still a total idiot.”

Look at your circle of friends and acquaintances – likely you will find a few couples that have been married “forever” equaling 10, 20, 30 – maybe even 40 (!) years. There will be several single friends – never married or divorced as well as several couples in various states of togetherness – just met, hitting an anniversary, together “forever” with no expectation of marriage. The statistics are all around you in 3D.

Is there a ‘right time’ or ‘right age’ to get married the first, second or third time? You can look at maturity, life experience, life goals and say without a doubt that it totally depends on the two people. Career, children, friends, family, hobbies and personal needs play a part in whether marriage is ‘right’ for you.

Ask yourself these top ten questions as you contemplate tying the knot:
Money – his, hers and ours – who pays for what? Not equal, but equitable. Agree on how it will work
Sex – his, hers and ours – frequency and what? Variety is the spice of life.
Kids – yes, no? More or hold?
Housing – where, buy or rent, how big?
Career or job – which is it? Importance? Be mutually supportive.
Car – buy or lease? Needed or wanted?
Time off – vacation, alone, together?
Hobbies – cost, time?
Friends – same, different, together, alone?
Family – last, but not least. Visit together? How often? They are your extended family – keep perspective.

Through it all – whatever is on your top ten to discuss, the important thing is to keep communicating. Going to bed angry is not an option. Keep talking until you can determine what each other is saying and why. You do not have to agree, but you do need to listen.

In the movie, “Keeping the Faith,” Father Havel tells Finn, “The truth is you can never tell yourself there is only one thing you could be. If you are a priest or if you marry a woman it’s the same challenge. You cannot make a real commitment unless you accept that it’s a choice that you keep making again and again and again.”