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Never date a single mother
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There are certain types of people that it is better for you not to date. I’m sure some where out there is a guy with a perfectly healthy relationship with a woman who regularly smokes crack, but all the same you should avoid dating drug addicts. Right now a woman is head over heals in love with a man out on parole for domestic violence. Most people can easily see why it’s not a good idea to get in a relationship with a drug addict or an ex-con, but there are many other types of people it’s ill advised to date. In this article I’d like to discuss one such type, the single mother.
Being a single mother is not a crime. I have nothing but respect for single mothers and have no doubts that a good percentage of single mothers are so because of lying asshole men. That said regardless of how admirable they may be or decent a person there are several reasons you should NEVER date a single woman. Some of these reasons are listed as followed:
- Welcome to second place
When a woman has a child that child becomes the most important person in their life. I agree with this and think this is how it should be; a child is a great responsibility requiring unending patience, care, and attention. When dating a single mother it is then understandable that you come second in all dealings. Simply put you are less important. I’m not so egotistical as to want to be the center of a woman’s life, but I would like to be the main consideration.Think about it, you’ve had a long week at work and want to kick back. You call up a girl you’ve been seeing for sometime and there’s no one else you’d rather be with. “Would you like to go to dinner tonight?” “I can’t Timmy has a play.” “Maybe we could go down to the beach tomorrow.” “Timmy has soccer practice tomorrow.” “How about a movie Sunday?” “Well maybe, I guess we could see that new Disney movie about the singing gum drops. Then if we can tire out Timmy at Chucky Cheese we could put him to sleep early and have an hour or two to be adults before he wakes up.” - Restricted Area
Having a child restricts the movement of the parent, especially a single parent. Remember when you lived with your parents and you wanted to get a little more intimate with someone? With a child it’s ten times harder for the parent. If you do see a single mother you have to contend with either sneaking around after the child’s bedtime (and trying to keep quiet) or you see her during the few moments she can get someone else to watch her child. - My baby’s Daddy
Nature tells us that when you have a mother you usually have a father. Dating a single mother you should be aware of the role the father can play. Regardless of whether she tells you he’s a stubborn, insecure, deadbeat, abusive, asshole prick, he’s the baby’s father. Some place in her mind, how ever deep she (Most likely) entertains fantasies of them being a family. He is in a role that can never be taken away from him and this role often entitles him to come by any time he wants and in many cases they still have sex. “It’s just ___, he doesn’t even count.” And why should he, and why should she tell you anyway?” - Equitable Paternity “Best interests of the child”
Let’s say you have no issue with her having a child. Hell he’s a cool kid and you even kinda like hanging out with him. Maybe one day she finds herself in a bind and you pick him up from soccer practice. Maybe you buy him some cool new toy for his birthday; it’s only twenty bucks and look how much he loves it. Well in the eyes of the court you may have just adopted a father role, and if you split up with the mother she can legally come after you for child support. Even if you only knew her for a year and only met the kid for a few months the court is forced to serve the best interests of the child.Once again the child’s interests are more important than your own. There are dozens of legal cases in which kind hearted men are penalized for years for showing kindness to a person in need. In one case a woman and her son were soon to be evicted from their residence. A former boss and close friend let them move in with him. After nearly two years he told her she had to leave, she went to court and filed for “Equitable Paternity” and he still has 11 more years of payments to make for a child he never had with a woman he wanted to help until she “Got back on her feet.” Another case involved a man who regularly gave money to a woman he was dating to take care of child care needs. When they split up he was given the bill of those child care needs until the child is 18 years old even though he wasn’t the father and had sparse dealings with the child.
These are just a few of dozens of reasons you shouldn’t date a single mother. Simply put dating a single mother takes much more effort than dating any other woman and has a fraction of the return, not to mention the possibility of being forced to make financial payments for nearly two decades. Are there decent women out there who happen to have a child, yes. Are there decent women out there who happen to have been in prison for drug possession, yes. Would I ever consider dating either of them, no, but that’s my preference.
Last 5 posts by Sneaky Pete
- A man with potential - February 16th, 2007
- In: Dating
- Tags: Dating, Sneaky Pete
17 Responses to Never date a single mother
Mike
May 25th, 2009 at 1:25 am
I have dated a single Mom. #3 happened to me. Never again!
Alex
June 2nd, 2009 at 8:30 am
this is so accurate. While I’ve never had to pay any type of support, everything else that you described has happened to me, which is why I stopped dating single women years ago. I think I was 26 when I finally wised up. I met an almost PERFECT female with a toddler. Whenever I wanted to go out, she almost never could go because of her son. I always ended up going over there, which was nice at first because she was HOT as hell, but looks only last for so long. Eventually, I ended things and learned to stop wasting my time with mommies.
deaddude
August 3rd, 2009 at 3:48 am
I have been totally alone for a few years and sometimes it really bites that I’m like the only dude in this town who isn’t getting any. But it’s a hell of a lot better than being mixed up with a chicks who has kids!!!
the game
August 4th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Never have a relationship with a single mother baggage baggage drama can’t do this can’t do that don’t waste ur time and ur money wait to have a family of ur own leave the babysitting for when u have ur own kids.
Shireen
October 26th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
I disagree with everything wrote above – yes it might happen with a few single mothers, but not all. I was a single mother of 2 when I met my partner 12 months ago, I went on every date he invited me out to, as well as watching a DVD at mine every so often. He moved in 8 months ago and welll read what I do, I get up early take the kids to school whilst leaving my partner to have a lie in, come back make him breakfast in bed, whilst he is eating that I wash everyones clothes and iron them – including his, when he gets in the shower I wash his back for him, then we go out for a coffee, we come home and I make him x amount of teas and coffees through the day, make his lunch, and everyone’s dinner, run him a candle lit bath at night and do all the tidying up. I do that every day for him – as well as running my own business. I give my kids 100% attention and my partner gets the same. As for paying things for the kids, when he offers I tell him thats thoughtful of him but he doesnt have to, I never ask a penny from him. And on top of that all his sexual needs are met – more then what your average single woman would do!
Never again
November 14th, 2009 at 9:34 am
I agree with this except for the part that most single mothers are so because of lying asshole men. Most of them are that way because of their own irresponsible behavior. And it says a lot about the mother’s personality when the father of her child won’t marry her after getting her pregnant. And if the father is a lying asshole…well, great choice in men.
Mike
November 17th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
Shireen, you can disagree all you want, but the truth is the truth. I have dated 3 single mothers and in each case these #1 #2 and #3 happened.
I mean really, are you telling us that your man comes BEFORE your children? Really? I don’t believe that!
You’re just in denial because you’re a single Mom and can’t deal with reality. Sadly, this is the case with far too many women.
Abbie
November 22nd, 2009 at 1:50 pm
I’m a single mother — went through a divorce I didn’t want. What do you men suggest I do if I want a healthy relationship? It is a huge concern to me. I have to agree that most men are scared away when they find out I’m a single mother. It’s heartbreaking to me, because I want better, not just for myself, but my wonder son and daughter. I love them very much and want to raise them to be great people.
Do any of you have any suggestions?
Stacy
December 7th, 2009 at 7:09 am
How narrow minded you all are! I am a single mother. My time is not too restricted because my daughter is with her father every other weekend. My family is involved, I go to college, and am able to multi-task being a great mom and having a social life. I wouldn’t dream of EVER asking a guy I was dating for help! Whoever these chicks are that you’re dating would probably suck even if they weren’t mommies. To each their own, but I think it’s sad that their giving the rest of us a bad name. We are not all part of this category.
d boi
December 18th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
Sometimes it gets real hard you even start to feel resentment even jealousy towards a damn baby its not worth it all it does is destroy fragments of your patience and ego
Roy
January 14th, 2010 at 9:32 pm
I’ve dated five single mothers, and they all sucked. They were clearly hunting for a fool to get turned into an emasculated ATM.
The last one would scream and fight with me for hours. Anything, no matter how minro, would trigger her into rages. She was crazy. No matter what I did for her, no matter how patient and kind and generous I was, it was never enough.
Her 4 teenage kids were the spawn of hell, spoilt, rude whining little shits who trashed the house into a pig sty, and openly treated me with contempt.
She borrowed $30,000 from my father to invest in real estate, then spent it all dining out everyday and buying her brats lavish, expensive gifts. For Christmas, she bought them not one, but THREE trees, one of which was huge, and all-new decorations.
She continually treated me like crap, and then would say how much she loved me. Talk about mind games. During our relationship, she insisted that I marry her, buy her a ring worth at least $25,000, have a child with her, pay for her half of costs for her kids (while her ex paid the other half through child support), max out my credit card and loan it all to her. She also demanded that she be a co-signer on my bank account, but she wouldn’ reciprocate.
After 7 months of misery, verbal/emotional/mental abuse, and madness, I told her I couldn’t take any more and had to move out. She threatened to call the police and file false charges against me, have me thrown in jail, change the locks, and keep all my belongings. I told her it was over. Then she cried and begged me not to abandon her. I left anyway and am glad I did.
After I left her, she ended up filing bankruptcy for a third time in her life, lost her home to foreclosure, and never paid my father the money she owed him.
I would never, ever get involved with a single mother again as long as I live.
And regarding #4, if that was ever done to me, that arrogant black-robed dictator would disappear in a hole in the middle of Death Valley.
Amber
January 20th, 2010 at 2:34 am
I suppose all single mother should remain single and be alone the rest of their lives? just saying.
chelley
January 30th, 2010 at 5:00 am
Im a single mom of three. I dont have baby daddy drama. According to my parents I put my boyfriend b4 my kids. You men some of you should just pat urself on the back. Its articles like this the reason I cant find a decent guy out here. Sooner or later ur gunna say the same about your ex-girlfriend after you done had ur way with her.
What about writing an article about how only single men think of single moms as a sex goddess! HOW many times have i had men come up with that one?
James
January 30th, 2010 at 10:42 pm
I am mixed on this. I know single mothers who are very sweet ladies. Smart, pretty, caring, in a word motherly.; but also passionate and adventurous and eager. My father dated and ended up marrying two single mothers, neither of these relationships worked in the long run, but I don’t think that is due to them having previous kids, other issues are certainly to blame. But for him loving single mothers wasn’t a problem at all. He enjoyed children very much.
I don’t think that single mothers should just be lonely the rest of their lives. I don’t think they should turn into spinsters. But here is my problem, and this is a problem that maybe all men don’t have, but I do….
I dated a single mother once, for about 8 months. She had a son. Nice kid, very smart. One day the kid called me “daddy”. It froze my blood in my veins. I was out after that. I’m sorry, but there is something way deep down, nestled in my core were I can’t get at it to remove it even if I wanted to, and that is the instinctive repulsion to the idea of raising another man’s children. It is simple instinct, genetics, biology. We want to pass on our own material, and the Male Lion comes out when we meet a desirable mate that has a cub by another male, we want to destroy it. I don’t mean directly, I would never propose to harm a child, but I mean we want to destroy the idea of it. A very fundamental piece of me resents the kid for being there. And that is no way to live.
So I split with her. I was not going to raise another man’s child. I wasn’t going to live a life resenting a kid for something that wasn’t his fault. And I wasn’t going to live a life with wedge between me and this beautiful smart woman. It’s just not something I could handle.
Garry
February 2nd, 2010 at 2:43 pm
Women can sugar coat it all they want but at best you’ll be 2nd place. Now if the fathers still around and she has a career then count on 3rd or 4th. Number 3 is the definetly true. My ex was a single mom and she told me that “I’ll always hold a special place for him (the dad) in my heart because he gave me something so special”. He’s so special that he doesnt work, doesnt pay child support and lives on his brothers couch and has been for over a year. It’s certainly not worth the trouble ladies. Go back to the men who knocked you up because they’ve already planted their flag.
Garry
February 2nd, 2010 at 2:48 pm
Very true James about it being kind of a primal thing with guys. At least in my experience her comfort level with the dad was like having two roosters in the hen house!
Renne
February 11th, 2010 at 10:00 pm
I disagree….Yes, there are many women out there where I could totally see that happening to some men. However, there are single mothers out there who are actually sane and can balance their carrier, child(ren), and dating. I’m a single Mom….I fell in the category of the guy was an ass. However, in all fairness, we were 16 when I got pregnant and 17 when I had my daughter. He left me when I was 3mo. pregnant. He’s not in the picture. Has seen my daughter 2x in her entire life and she was 1mo old. She is now 9yrs old. I still have contact with her father (very minute, roughly 5-8x a yr). I have put myself through college, started a carrier, and have managed to date. I have always put both my, now, fiance and my daughter equally 1st. Yes there are times I need to go do things for her. However, I have always had ample time to got out with him. I take care of all the “household chores” and he does dinner. I NEVER asked him with my daughter (money wise or anything else). He would volunteer and I would graciously decline. I would never in a million years dream of screwing him over. I do not collect child support from her “biological” father. I was also the one to tell my fiance that I wanted a prenup. and to specify that if we were to get divorced that he would not be financially liable for my daughter. We have always had plenty of “alone time”. We go on vacations alone and do family vacations. I don’t feel it’s fair to lump “single mothers” into one large group. There are those of us “single mothers” out there who arent out to screw a guy over, be shady, or put someone in 2nd place. There are those of us “single mothers” who put the guy just as equal, go out of our way to make the guy feel more “comfortable” in the relationship with the child. Tables turned…I have a friend who is now a single father…mother of the child passed away….so is it going to be the same for him…women shouldnt date him ’cause hes a single father? Or will you say that “that would be ok”?