Is porn cheating? Not unless you’re starring in one.

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Looking at porn is a lot like eating out at a restaurant – there a wide variety from which to choose, some of them aren’t even remotely good, a few require more money than others, and if you don’t pay close attention to the rating before opening the door, you could be in for a real interesting surprise.

But, perhaps more important than all of those things is one’s reasons for choosing a particular restaurant. Just because you go out to eat doesn’t mean you hate the food you have at home – maybe you don’t even have food at home, as is the case with many of us – nor does it mean that the food at home is gross or old or unattractive. For most of us, eating at a restaurant is about trying something new, or going back to an old favorite. You may be intrigued by that smoky ethnic place on the corner, or all you may really want is to be satisfied by a yummy, reliable pizza. Discovering what you don’t like to eat is equally important, and sometimes you may try food that makes you scream in pain, or gives you a rash, but at least you’ve learned your lesson and can avoid those foods in the future.

Alright, so let’s say your significant other is like your own personal chef, and your computer with access to all the internet’s glorious porn is like a giant buffet where you like to eat a few times a week. After a time, your personal chef may wonder why you keep going out to eat if there’s perfectly edible food at home. I find that they usually ask this if they’ve never seen a buffet, or have only been to one and it was really weird so they never gave it another shot. The benefits of a buffet are variety and accessibility, which also happen to be two of the things that draw most people to porn.

There are some negatives associated with buffets, of course – overeating being one of them. If you’ve stopped eating at home altogether and you spend all day stuffing your face at the buffet, then obviously, something is wrong with the food at home, or your palette has gone bad, and I suggest spending some quality time with your chef to try and resolve the issue.

However, if you only eat out a few times a week, but still prefer home-cooking, I say you have nothing to worry about. Sometimes you’re on the lookout for new menu ideas, or want to sample different flavors just out of curiosity. At times, you may want to share these new recipes with your chef, who may or may not like it… but don’t knock it ‘til you try it, right? But just because you eat kabobs one day and fried chicken the next doesn’t mean you’re screwing the person who made the food. …Unless you are, and then that’s wrong, of course.

If it’s one thing people need on a regular basis, it’s food. Most men will tell you they’ll die without food every day, and though some women choose to starve themselves, we all know everyone looks a little healthier and tends to be a lot happier when they eat really good food on a regular basis. Looking at porn is strangely similar. Instead of viewing it as a threat, see it as a healthy expression of sexual appetite. I won’t get into the whole psychology of porn viewing in men vs. women, but looking at porn isn’t like going out and picking up a hooker or going to a strip club. There is no personal interaction or attachment – it’s simply curiosity about a subject that our society usually tries to suppress. Being less judgmental about a partner’s interest in porn will not just make them feel less ashamed of their personal fantasies, but may even lead to a better understanding of your own desires, and thus a better overall sexual experience.

Bon appetite!

Last 5 posts by Cocoa Manchester

16 Responses to Is porn cheating? Not unless you’re starring in one.

Blue Balls

September 20th, 2006 at 8:46 am

It’s this simple, if you’re with someone who doesn’t want you to look at porn you should dump them. Unless you don’t like porn and then you should get married and have a dozen kids in Utah.

Karman

February 26th, 2007 at 3:20 pm

I love the way most men attempt to justify thier “need” for pornography. Point is, your weak and sick. There are those out there that would rather get divorced than stop looking at pornography or admit there is a problem.
When I finally got my ex-husband to leave, he had on-line subcribtions to various sites, some more disgusting than others. One in particular boasted their “soft-core porn starring legal age 18 year olds” Well, my daughter just turned 12 and is 5′ 01″ already. Does anyone else see the problem here.
There are many ways to “cheat” and be unfaithful in a marriage. You don’t have to sleep or be with another person to be uncommitted and unfaithful. Yes, you can be unfatihful with your thoughts. Bullshit if you think it’s not.
Comparing it to a buffet – your an idiot.

SJ

February 27th, 2007 at 6:37 am

Men shouldn’t have to “justify” their porn watching. It’s a much more complicated issue than anyone, male or female, would like to admit. First off, if looking at an image on a screen were directly equivalent to having an extramarital affair, I’m sure most men would opt for the affair, truth be told. In reality, they are two different things. In fact, porn is a kind of safety valve if you will. If you think how many times an affair will occur due to hormones triumphing over rationality, you can see that “getting it out of your system” with a picture or a movie would be much less harmful to a long term relationship, than sleeping with someone else.

The mainstream availability of porn is an acknowledgement that there are aspects of human sexuality that aren’t served too effectively by serial monogamy. Add to that the fact that modern life has got people stressed out and overworked, which men and women respond differently to. When men are stressed, an orgasm is the best thing to relieve that stress, which would make them more apt to seek one out. When women are stressed, sex is the last thing they want.

Interestingly enough, when women watch porn in scientific studies, even when they find the images “boring” or “objectionable”, sensory / measuring apparatus applied to their genitals indicates vaso-congestion and erectile blood flow, i.e. arousal.

disgusted

September 1st, 2008 at 9:43 pm

First off all the men and women saying looking at porn is okay are sick. I hate the lame excuses men come up with and there girlfriends believe. All men do it, it’s normal, I’m not cheating. You ARE cheating!! It’s called emotional cheating. Also, if every guy in the world smoked crack and you found out that your man was smoking crack and he told you that “every guy does it” would that make it okay?? NO!!!!!!You are sitting there thinking of other girls, about having sex with these girls. That is cheating anyway you put it. I am sick of hearing it is normal. It’s NOT normal. If you are horny have sex with your girl or if she isn’t around find a picture of her and M***e to that. Why go and look at other girls? Another favortie thing guys like to say is, well, men feel the need to spread there seeds, it’s wired in there brain. DO YOU NOT HAVE SELF CONTROL?? Are you kidding me?? Or men have urges. So women don’t? It’s called self control people. Time to grow up. Porn is for SINGLE guys that can’t get any NOT for guys in a relationship unless you are watching it with your girl and you both enjoy it. Don’t lie, most men lie to their s/o about watch it too! Sad men, grow up, learn to have some self control!!

Rosemadder

January 16th, 2009 at 2:23 pm

So you are comparing women to buffet food?

That just about says it all, women as tit-bits, a fancy and interchangable.

How lovely.

duhhh

February 2nd, 2009 at 12:49 am

so its apparently totally out of the question for men to show a little self control, and for the sake of the women that they love, refrain from looking at pornography and just use their imagination to beat off?

intelligenceinsulted

February 17th, 2009 at 8:00 am

For the love of Mike! To the men – - can’t you just understand that looking at porn hurts the woman you SAY you love? Just defending yourself doesn’t acknowledge us. We feel cheated, degraded and we start to question our self esteem. When I fronted my husband off, he said it’s just pictures. Well, it hurt me enough to have a “Real” ego boost to show myself that I AM desirable. No, I didn’t have an affair but wanted to hurt him as much as I hurt. It probably means for a woman to do something “more” than look at naked young studs. Guys, just take a second to just realize IT HURTS US – - PERIOD. If you love your woman, like I’m sure you say you do, you would acknowledge our feelings, stop defending your actions and stop doing it BECAUSE it hurts us. For me, if I find out one more time – I’ll show him how it feels to hurt. I’ll make sure of it and if you keep doing the same to the one you say you love – don’t be surprised to come home and see her in bed with another man. For every action – there is a an equal and opposite reaction. That’s Newton’s law men – written by a man. Just keep it in mind fellas.

intelligenceinsulted

February 17th, 2009 at 8:07 am

One more thing — women have fantasies too. We just don’t look at naked young men because we feel it would hurt you – - try to have an ounce of regard for the person you are hurting and ask yourself – is it worth losing the woman i love?? You will eventually – I guarantee it

I pity men

February 19th, 2009 at 8:02 am

I totally agree with what one poster wrote…just because men say “it’s normal, all guys look at porn.” does not make it normal and ok. There are rapes and murders every single day in our country…just because it happens all the time, does that make it normal and ok? Thought you would see it my way! Most men just simply don’t care what they do behind the backs of their wives or girlfriends. “As long as she doesn’t know, it won’t hurt her.” My husband has been hiding his porn habit…choice… addiction… whatever, for 20 years behind my back. I have found his “stash” only a hand full of times over the years and every time, it’s the same thing…”I’m sorry, I won’t do it again.” Get real ladies, wise up. Know this…men simply tell women what “they think” we want to hear. He “thought” I wanted to hear that he was sorry. He “thought” I wanted to hear that he would not view porn and “take care of himself” anymore. He was soooo wrong. LISTEN UP MEN…IF YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT WE WOMEN WANT TO HEAR WHEN WE FIND OUT ABOUT YOUR DIRTY LITTLE SECRET STASH, HERE GOES: we only want to hear the truth. No matter what it is. If you have no trust in your marriage, you have no marriage. From my experience, I simply only wanted the truth. NOT LIES! The truth was in my husbands case was that he felt he was not getting sex frequently enough. I find this out now after almost 20 yrs of marriage. If I would have known this in the first place, I would have kicked it in high gear. After all, what women dreams of her wedding day, marrying the love of her life, and thinks: ” Oh I can’t wait for my husband to sneak around and look at porn and jerk off.” ??? Of course we don’t “prefer” our men to look at porn. BUT…. if they feel the desire, the least they could do is ask us to join them. You men out there might just be surprised to know that we women just want to be included. It’s heartbreaking to find out that your husband is satisfying himself sexually to the images of other naked women. Sure, it beats a real life physical sex act with another woman behind our backs. We are not happy with our men getting off on other women. It doesn’t matter if they are in a magazine or in a DVD. It’s “emotional cheating.” “Lusting after someone other than your wife!” “It’s NOT foresaking all others.” For those of you that have never stepped foot in a church… I don’t expect you to get this…. I guess there will probably always be men out there that just simply don’t really care about anyone other than themselves. These are the same men that when caught, try to save their own necks by lying to their wives when they say, “I’m sorry.” What they really mean is: “I’m sorry I got caught.” and “Now where can I hide my porn???”

bellachien22

May 20th, 2009 at 8:59 pm

My daughter is expecting. Should I hope she has a girl who will be hurt by what men do or should I hope she has a boy, knowing that society will excuse his unfaithfulness and proclivity to porn explaining that he is just being “normal”? We MUST find a way to resolve this hurt. To pornographers it is about money, but we must realize that we are perpetuating a serious division that destroys when we label porn as “normal”.

Open minded

June 24th, 2009 at 7:06 am

I want to be the only woman on my mans mind. I want to be the naked body he yerns for. I want to excite him till he can’t stand it. But if the fantasy is to see the things I won’t do then lets watch together. Inside I know I am the one he wants to be with.

I think if you watch porn it stimulates you.

Watching together can be a great way to get excited with the one you are going to be intimate with. Sex should be something you share with the one you love, every aspect. Who cares what others think. If this excites you then do it. If it discusts you then don’t.

Curios

November 25th, 2009 at 5:34 pm

What I want to know is how much is considered normal? My husband looks at it every single morning and doesn’t even try to touch me most days, so I really do feel like the problem is me.

sam

February 25th, 2010 at 12:16 pm

you know, its like if men dont hump every leg they can they arent happy.

whiteyy

March 1st, 2011 at 7:35 am

SAM YOU ARE CORRECT

kllkey

March 27th, 2011 at 5:38 pm

if u lust over another woman it is a sin.
God will forgive u but ur wife want

kllkey

March 27th, 2011 at 5:39 pm

yes it is cheating. If im not enough for u then move on. maybe u want get herpes

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