Sadly these ‘mere acquaintances’ and ‘past lovers’ may have meant more at one point, and while in a perfect world we would get along with these people the harsh reality is that when we make detachments of the physical kind, we detach ourselves emotionally too. The problem is after spending so much time with these people, it’s not unusual to find that you will have picked up some of their habits, and adapted yourself in a way that has made you compatible with them. No two people are alike, but it’s inevitable that the more time you spend with someone, the more you tailor your personality to them by picking up some of their mannerisms. So the only way to disassociate yourself with nearly everything you knew about them involves not only shedding any traits you may have picked up from them, but also rediscovering your own identity.

The most obvious way to remove any affiliation you had is to discard any material objects that hold emotional reminders of them. You already have no physical contact with that person, so it’s only logical to cast aside any personal objects that related to them. Surrounding yourself with these items leaves you in some kind of emotional limbo as although you no longer have an emotional bond with them, physically, they still serve as a reminder. If, like me, you’ve dabbled in many a relationship, you’ll probably have amassed a wide collection of your partner’s possessions. A photograph here, a soppy love letter there, we’re all guilty of holding onto the past. Yet while we’re used to encountering the break-ups followed by the ceremonial disposal of memorabilia, it doesn’t mean it gets any easier. We spend so long holding onto these items as though our life depended on them, that by the time it comes to throwing it out, these items have become our life. By getting rid of their belongings, you no longer have to be haunted by their memory, and can go about your life the way it was before you met them. Yet whilst this may be our way of “goodbye”, many people still find that they are able to deal with a civilised “hello” with a previous significant other from time to time. However, there are others who aren’t so civilised vocally. They prefer the actions speak louder than words method.

Whilst many people find that this is the most practical of solutions when it comes to organising their life, sadly there are some people who need a more drastic alternative; and that is to write that person out of their life completely. Not content with just chucking out the emotional clutter, some feel that the only way to establish their identity is to remember who they were before they had ever met these people. By severing all ties and cutting off all possible forms of contact, they can in a sense, get their life back before they walked in these social circles. Discovering your personality without these influences means both a stronger character and a surge in confidence, as you have to recognise what your original traits were as well as realising you can survive without these people. After all, we’re born into the world alone, and we’ve been doing pretty well without the help of people so far.

But personally, I don’t believe in the conventions of “hello” and “goodbye”. We use these salutations everyday but only because conversations expect this convention; and so the more we’re greeted, the harder it is for us to say goodbye. If you think about it, even when we do part ways with someone, the next time we meet with them we simply pick up from where we left off. This could go on for weeks, months, and even years. So even though you may think that saying goodbye to these old flames might be a way of reintroducing yourself to the world, in the grand scheme of things, these people are still part of the world. From the way someone laughs to a song you rarely hear, these mementos will be ingrained wherever you go. And it is these everyday souvenirs that remind you that even when you do everything you can to remove someone out of your life, somehow and somewhere, you will remember them. So tell me. Where is the good in goodbye?

Zero of them have just piqued my interest so much that right after I drop her off I feel the urge to call her to talk some more. Let me go on ahead and add that I’ve never been in a serious relationship before. The fact that I haven’t felt any sort of chemistry with the girls that I’ve dated has started to worry me, especially because of the fact that over half of them I have many things in common with. I’ve been asked by a few of my female friends, “What do you look for in a girl?” and I can honestly say I don’t know anymore. If I don’t become attracted to the girls who like the stuff that I like, then how am I going to feel anything for someone who doesn’t?

So, my question is am I not giving these girls enough of a chance for me to begin to feel something, or should I actually feel a strong attraction immediately?

Anyway, I was curious as to what he was looking at, so I started just going through and looking for different links that could potentially be porn. From there, I got quite the surprise. There was sites related to meeting people in our area for casual sex and I saw that “someone” had searched for prostitutes in our area as well. Also, a telltale sign that it was him, is that he’s latino and is far more comfortable in Spanish, and some searches in google for prostitution and porn were in Spanish.

Of course I confronted him about this and woke him up at 4 in the morning because I felt I was completely justified. He was all pissed off at the beginning and said it wasn’t him and he wanted to go back to sleep. I was pissed so I didn’t let him and forced him to have this conversaton with me. We ended up talking for 4 more hours, and he was in tears at the end trying to tell me that he loves and that it wasn’t him. I of course am dead sure that it was him and now I don’t know what to do. During our talk he was trying to tell me that his brother was using his computer so it could have been him, but a counter poiint to that is that we moved from California a couple months ago, and his brother was using the computer then, but the sites are all in Saint Louis, where we live now. It’s not at all disconcerting to me that he looks at porn, although he says he doesn’t, but it bother me EXTREMELY me that prostitution was searched for in our area and that on craigslist adult gigs were also looked at.

I don’t really know what to think at this point (I found all this stuff 2 days ago), because up until now he has shown me a great deal of commitment and I had used his computer a lot before and there weren’t any porn sites at all. In terms of commitment, I go to school in Saint Louis was home on summer vacaton in California when we met. When I was supposed to go back to school he didn’t want to be away from me, so he came along, leaving friends, work, and everything else behind. He is the sweetest boyfriend I’ve ever had in terms of doing the little things for me. It just doesn’t make sense to me that it was him, but all the evidence supports the fact that it was. I definitely need help because I’ve been a complete wreck since I found all that. Since I don’t know anything about porn and if it is possible that he was looking at one site and then some weird link connected him to a singles site I don’t want to break up with him and end the best relationship I’ve ever been in.

I don’t know the authors name because I just found this site 10 minutes ago, but I would like for the author of “What every woman should know about internet porn” to give me some feedback because he seems to know about porn sites and how they work.

Thank you so much for your time and advice.