My college graduation was a joyous event, and following this were three weddings for close friends of mine. Talking behind closed doors, other mutual friends thought that one of the three weddings in particular was doomed for divorce. I on the other hand thought it was the only one that had a chance. Four years later I’m proven correct as the second couple everyone knew would last forever filed for divorce. This marriage, as well as god only knows how many other marriages and/or relationships ended at least in part for one reason, as much as some fight it, all men have a player phase. To further demonstrate how this works I’ll give examples from two of my friends who got married.

Marriage #1: “Frat boy Steve”
Steve was a bit shy and when he got to college so he joined a fraternity. With the help of his newly purchased friends, Steve got out of his shy phase and by the beginning of his Junior year he was somewhat of a local legend. For over a year his bed was the temporary home to dozens of sorority girls and education majors across campus. Steve has told me stories that could make a porn star blush. This all came to a screeching halt during his second Junior year when he met the love of his life, Jen. A year and a half later most of his friends talked behind his back about how they were doomed. Although he left his player ways behind him people thought that Steve would eventually leave Jen or cheat on her, after all he was, “Frat boy Steve.”

Marriage #2: “Nice guy John”
John was also a bit shy, but rather than join a fraternity he buried his face in books. He met a girl his freshman year of college that he proposed to at the end of his Junior year. She was the second person he had ever had sex with; they were doomed from the start. Their divorce a year and a half later shocked everyone although it was no surprise to me. Chalking up their marriage to an act of impetuous youth, they “Mutually decided” a divorce was best for both of them. I can distill the reason they were divorced down to two words. The same two words I told him the day he informed me he was going to propose, “What if?”

When Steve is at a restaurant and the waitress hits on him he knows what it would be like to pick her up and take her to a motel. He’s been there and done that, and he’s sound in the knowledge that his wife is a thousand times better than any random girl he can pick up in his day to day life. However when John’s secretary would wear a tight shirt or a sexy new client made a reference about going out for drinks she suddenly became the person he thought about while making love to his wife. Fantasy is always better than reality, and if a man doesn’t have past sexual exploits to recall his imagination can take him right into the arms of another woman.

At nearly every bachelor party men exchange lewd stories about their more unique conquests and at every bachelor party there’s always one guy who listens on with envy wishing he had stories of his own to tell. If that guys married, he’s destined to get divorced. If that guy’s the groom, his friends should beat some sense into him because he’s about to damage not only his own life but the life of his temporary mate. All men need these experiences, and if you want a relationship with him, you want these experiences behind him.

When I was in college I had quite a bit of fun. I had sex with the grad student teaching my French class (I aced that semester), various girls in my building, and even my R.A. I had sex in a cultural lounge, the bathroom of a bar, and even the hood of a professor’s car. I once created a sexual game similar to spin the bottle that involved two dice and a bottle of Jack Daniels that five people still consider the wildest night of their lives. By my senior year of college I once had sex with four girls in the same day. If it sounds like I’m bragging it’s because I am. More importantly know that every man who’s read this article falls in one of two categories. Some men can sit back and smile as they reminisce about their own experiences, others are envious and imagining themselves doing such things.

You tell me which guy is better marriage material.

Last 5 posts by Captain Bill

• Love is not enough - September 21st, 2006