I was talking to my girlfriend about this last night and we decided the answer was yes, if we were legally allowed to be polygamists. Or perhaps we could settle for inventive engineering…I would take the face of one man, the humor and soul of another, the body of my x-husband (which is all I would want to take) and the compassion and sensitivity of my friend’s father. Roll him up and I would have the perfect man. Since of course they have not come up with this perfect experiment through cloning as of this moment, I am left to find this imperfect “perfect” man myself.Not an easy feat. But I will start by trying a definition approach. I have decided to rename first dates “qualifying meetings”. (Are you qualified to make me happy? Give me orgasms? Keep me in the life I am accustomed to?) It doesn’t seem to put that much pressure on me or the men, and I can honestly look at them and assess if these candidates have the qualities I want and desire.

Recently a few of my “qualifying meetings” have asked me what it is that I am looking for. Well, I have thought long and hard about it and have come up with this answer-

Complete and total acceptance of who I am in the world.

It’s that simple. Yet, there are complications to the simplicity. Really it comes down to me loving me. I want someone just like me. It’s simpler that way. Cuts out the middleman if I’m dealing just with myself. I know what lies to tell myself, I know what shirts to wear that will attract me. And I know just what little spot to hit that will send me over the edge in bed.

But it’s more than that. I want someone who is optimistic, humorous, open-minded. My dream experimental man will have this unconditional chemistry with me.

That person has yet to drop me a line. Take for instance my last “qualifying meeting.”

It was in an Internet setup, so I had seen his photos and had a chance to speak with him on the phone a few times. I was supposed to meet him for drinks or dinner, but, the night before at another bad “qualifying meeting” I decided that these first meetings should be no longer than an hour and only for coffee. There was plenty of time to have drinks and dinners if we liked each other. I called this man and was very blunt with him about my new rule.

“We’ll know if there is a physical chemistry after a few minutes and this way we haven’t wasted too much time and money.”

He got it. At least he “understood” my thinking.

That’s another key factor in finding the right mate, to catching someone who understands what you are saying and why you are saying it.

So I thought I was on a roll. I got to the bookstore coffee shop and there he was. He looked like his photo (wonders of wonders). He was attractive, in a sweet way. He was a big guy and gave me a snuggly hug hello (snugglers make great bed fellows). He was genuinely very excited to meet me. The ability to get excited; that’s a good start. I sat down and noticed on the table there was a physics book with a notebook. Just the sight of it made me kind of queasy. I discovered he was an electrical engineer (maybe he told me; I forgot because it wasn’t interesting to me.)

I could see this heading way down hill at a brisk clip.

We talked about his work for a moment and I realized that I had no common ground with this man when it came to his livelihood. He loved sci-fi movies and I didn’t. We both loved dogs (but what’s that in the scheme of things. Nobody likes cats). That was basically the only common ground we had. There was a physical attraction of some sort, but it could hardly overcome the inevitable. Cute he may be, but perfect man material he was not. Still I tried to visualize this man in my life.

He made a comment about his mother that was very heartfelt which showed me what kind of person he was, but was that enough? He told me he loved what he did for a living, but didn’t make an enormous amount of money doing it, would that effect me at some future point? I have two kiddies to think about.

Should I be contemplating all these things on a first date? Yes and no.

Yes, because these things do come up and are real issues. No because aren’t I just supposed to be having a good time and not thinking about these things?

Life always has it compromises. It is a give and take. A big pro and con list of the have and have nots of what we are willing to accept and what we are not. If we are brought up to love ourselves unconditionally and accept all of our flaws, wouldn’t it be natural to want to be attracted to those people who are just like us? I never agreed with that cliché that opposites attract. I think that is nonsense. Like attracts like. As far as the electrical engineer goes, I can hear my mother say to me, “just go out with him one more time”. And perhaps that’s the perfect reason NOT to. I do ultimately know the outcome.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson put it:

“Trust thyself. You will soon love what is dictated by your nature as well as mine, and if we follow the truth it will bring us out safe at last.”

Will Mr. Perfect Everything ever come to be? Each time I meet a man that has a few more qualities that I am looking for and desire, I am that much closer to meeting “him”. And “He” is either out there somewhere or in a laboratory slowly being made in a test tube.

Bring on the research!

Last 5 posts by Jill Asars

• I need to find a East Coast guy who lives in Los Angeles - September 20th, 2006
• Women mourn, Men replace - September 20th, 2006
• The similarities between earthquakes and marriages - September 20th, 2006