So there I was, looking around the room, and all of a sudden I realized that the phone didn’t ring as much as it used to. The cable television I’ve grown accustomed to watching, was suddenly shut off due to a lack of payment. Too many commercials on the radio to get a chance to listen to music. Alone.

So much happens when your alone, the room makes noises you have never heard. As you sit there in the nervous panic of having to spend 24 hours or more with yourself, your mind finally begins to whisper something to you. How much of my happiness depends on being around people, and why? If I don’t enjoy my own company, how can I expect anyone else to enjoy it?

The answers are sometimes hard to come buy, but with a dose of openness, so much clarity unfolds. As I began to open myself up to the honest, and non-judgmental watching of my own experience, I saw something. I was living a series of repeated cycles of what I define disappointment to be, and I couldn’t understand why it was happening. So now, here I am, alone, having to face it all. Which, more often than not, is the last thing any of us would like to do in life’s trying situation.

Here I was, dancing around the main issues that were desperately trying to smack me in the face, or sweep me from under my feet. Being alone, suddenly felt like an attack from all angles. Silence, for those who are afraid of truth, can be a scary thing. Truth is painful in the beginning. I had to admit that I was the cause of my own experience, something about the choices I was making perpetuated this cycle of personally defined disappointment (what’s disappointment to one, is success to another); now what?

In March 06, in the midst of a spiritual, financial, body, and relationship collapse, I began meditations. I decided it was time to know me. Insanity and stress, was no longer a pleasing pastime. You see, so many of my moments were spent gathering information from others and I began taking on concepts of limitation. From that pain developed and even stronger intuitive feeling, that there was more for me to learn from this moment of loneliness I was so terribly afraid of.

I began to close my eyes ten minutes in the morning, being thankful for the simple but profound action of waking up and being able to breath for another day. Then I would do another ten minutes at night, giving the total amount of gratitude I could muster, for experiencing the reality of getting home safely. There’s a difference between being thankful for the things you have, and being thankful for the things you have because others don’t have them. I chose to be genuinely thankful for the things I have without comparing them with the possessions of others or their lack of it. When you feel that way, your heart is opened up to so much greatness. The world begins to look so different to you. The beauty of a flower becomes the most profound thing you have ever seen. Then suddenly, you feel the abundance of peace that resides in this world, because you’ve experienced it for yourself…..alone.

You begin to understand how infinite possibilities are, you realize that you can direct the possibilities with the maintenance of your positive energy. And what can be more positive than believing in a dream and allowing your actions to give it birth?

Being alone, then becomes consistent moments of perfect clarity, and fear dissipates as the unstable illusion it is. Being alone, quite simply, is just, not that scary anymore. All you have to do is close your eyes, and enjoy the silence.

In the spirit of discovering your inner-self,
Swan Over Soup